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DACS Greatest Hits, Uncategorized

I have a ‘Sweet’ question to ask: What would the weddings of your favourite Assassins or Templars be like?

July 13, 2020

Firstly, we want to remind our lovely patrons that while we don’t mind getting non-dirty headcanon requests, we really do prefer getting dirty ones. It’s to keep the theme of our bordello after all! You followed this blog for the dirtiness, yes?  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Then we wish to keep most of our content titillating~

[I’m going to answer this with canon pairings in mind, so as to make it convenient and not have to spam with so many pics~]

Maria & Altaïr: They got married in Limassol, Cyprus. They probably did so at the Limassol castle grounds.

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Edward: With Caroline? He probably did it in the middle of a pirate battle, with Adéwalé as his officiant, lol. Kinda like Elizabeth and Will Turner’s hasty wedding scene in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I can’t see Edward doing this with Tessa, however (he most likely had a traditional wedding with her).

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Unknown woman in Assassin’s Creed: Last Descendants & Shay: Shay would also get married at sea, but not all hasty like Edward. He’d have a Celtic hand-fasting aboard the Morrigan, with Christopher Gist as the officiant. Shay doesn’t care if bringing a woman on board signals bad luck, or if he’s not following ‘proper’ wedding protocols. He makes his own luck. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Ziio & Haytham: Longhouse ceremony first. Then they’d have an estate wedding, right in the Kenway Mansion, so as to honor Haytham’s late father (now I’m depressed that Ziio never got to see the Kenway manor).

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Unknown indigenous woman in Assassin’s Creed: Reflections & Connor: Connor is too shy to have a big fat wedding. Most likely to have a guest list of 30 people or under. He and his bride would have a Longhouse ceremony first, then do it European-style in the cozy outdoors of the Homestead.

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Élise & Arno: They’d have an elopement in the French countryside, away from all the city madness.

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Frye twins: Both had a typical Victorian wedding fanfare. Although with Evie and Henry Green, I can see them doing the Indian-style ceremony first before the Victorian-style:

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Aya & Bayek: I can see them having a pleasant outdoor wedding, with the Nile River as their backdrop.

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Alexios or Kassandra: Big fat Greek wedding, hands down, lol. Most likely outdoors, either on the hillside or at the beach:

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Sofia & Ezio: Last but not least…me! I married Sophia in Venice. I had a big, fat, Italian wedding, just like the Greeks, heheh. First, I did La Serenata on Sofia in my minstrel outfit. She had a good laugh or two then gave me delicious food afterwards. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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You can say that my wedding rivaled that of Apollonia and Michael Corleone from The Godfather:

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Now, if any of you are getting married in the near future, and have yet to find a DJ or musician for your wedding, then I volunteer as tribute.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

~ Ezio

DACS Greatest Hits, Uncategorized

(Not a confession) What if Ubisoft created a line of Assassin’s Creed inspired sex toys, what do you think they would be?

July 10, 2020

It has to be inspired by the Hidden Blade or else what’s the point, right? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I’m thinking something that you can easily hide and bring with you anywhere. A toy that can be disguised as something else~

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A lipstick vibe that you can easily place in your purse  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) No one except ones gifted with Eagle Vision would really know what it is. To the regular person, it just looks like a regular lipstick. But every Assassin (and Templar) worth their salt would know immediately what it is. Imagine your favourite Assassin or Templar catching a glimpse of this in your purse. Can you imagine what they’d do to you? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I know my answer isn’t too adventurous, but I’m fairly certain Messere Ezio has a lot of things to say. 😏

~ Signora Paola

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WeEEeeEeeLL, I have a lots of toys in mind~  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [Paola’s note: I linked the more explicit ones outside Tumblr. I really don’t want this fun post to get flagged by the Tumblr overlords]

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— A DD/lg-themed BDSM kit to be used by all the Daddies of Understanding and the Daddies of the dirty ol’ Brotherhood for their baby-girls *cough*ME*cough*  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

— A strap-on dildo with the models of your fav Assassin/Templar pene, for those dirty assassinos and Templars who need a good peggin’ or two. On the same note…

— A whole trunk full of dildos for sale, all modeled after all these hung men of the AC franchise. Kinda like what Rammstein did years ago, hahahaha~ Now you can guess who is the most hung and bara of them all.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which brings me to my next answer…

— A chess board with dildos as the pieces, for our classiest Assassins and Templars. This is how they’d pass the time… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which brings me to…

— 24k Gold vibrator, for the richest of the rich. Who is the richest Assassin or Templar? I like to think I am, but I think Edward has me beat thanks to his piracy. This is treasure that he steals and keeps for himself. PIRATE BOOTY

Or it looks like something that Élise would keep in her boudoir. She’d host a sex toy sales party, and this is what she’d sell to her guests, huehuehue. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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— Pet play kit branded with Connor’s and Shay’s names. I see them being secretly into this, if they’re playing with their more submissive side (although I can see them being Primal Hunters as well, Shay even more so. He gives a new dirty meaning to his ‘Assassin Hunter’ title, huehuehue~). Include these with Primal play. Yes. The Hunter becomes the hunted. Let the Huntress take you. The Wolf gets devoured by the Lion/Lioness. Do you hear the calling of the Wild? The hunt is near. The Predator seeks their Prey. Unleash the beast within. Mwehuehuehue, si, si, si~  ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ

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— Standard BDSM kit, but with class, made by and for the the classiest Dommes of the AC franchise. Evie would take this with her everywhere in London with a get-up similar to Irene Adler’s ‘The Woman’ dominatrix persona from BBC’s Sherlock:

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Si, Mistress Frye, siiiiiiiii~

— Ezio ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Miscellaneous, Paola's Choice

You know how cats sometimes stare at you like they know you’re reading smutty shit? Yeah my cat’s giving me that judgemental look again.

February 28, 2017

I always wonder what they’re thinking behind those judgmental stares.

What are they plotting? To take over mankind, one human at a time?

Do they ponder how the entire world would bow down to their greatness whilst they sharpen their claws?

Do they have alien kitteh overlords that they answer to, and they’re just waiting for that opportune moment to strike and bring humanity to its collective knees?

Or maybe… maybe they’re truly judging us for our internet browsing habits.

WHAT IS GOING ON BEHIND THEIR KITTEH HEADS?

THE WORLD MUST FIND OUT. MAYBE AFFECTION IS THE KEY?

~ Signora Paola

DACS Greatest Hits

November 30, 2016

Thank you very much for participating in our What type of underwear they would prefer their female lover to use? ask meme! Specifically (since the Rosa in Fiore is all about the dirtiness), the type of lingerie that would arouse them and drive them wild with desire ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Very classic corset + underwear + garter + stockings combo. He’s not very particular with the design nor the material. All he needs to see is these four together and he’d want to remove them from you… or maybe even hold off the gratification for a bit and he’d ask you to walk around the room only wearing them. Imagine having a very private dinner with Mr. Kenway and you’re only wearing that.

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Any type of underwear that has ribbons or laces that he could unfasten – that *could* include a corset, but we don’t think he has the patience to unlace everything 😉 It feels like he’s unwrapping a very exquisite gift when he does so, and we can imagine that he would be the type to tease you and undo those ribbons very slowly (maybe even whisper obscene things to really work you up). When he uses his teeth to untie them you know he’s really hungry.

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Babydoll/slip, especially the kind that leaves some to the imagination, like a fabric that still covers the important bits 😉 Underwear for him is that crucial final layer of clothing, one that needs to be savoured to the fullest. We also think he likes to be teased visually, so having to raise the hem of your slip to reveal whatever you’re wearing (or not wearing) underneath is enough to get him going.

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Any type of underwear that’s made of lace. He loves how they look and how opulent they seem to be. Like Jacob with his ribbons, to him all that embroidery makes it seem that you are a prized gift waiting to be unwrapped by him. 😉 He may even like the feeling of it to the point that he’d ask you to wear lace gloves while you’re about to jerk him off.

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Any type of corset, whether it’s the underbust, full cup, waist cincher, demi plunge… you name it, he loves it. Unlike Haytham who likes seeing the “full package” (so to speak), Arno’s singular love for the corset is due to the fact that it not only makes your waist tiny, but it pushes your breasts upwards. He also loves the act of untying those laces behind you, though if he’s really impatient you might watch out for that hidden blade.

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Anything that’s made of satin. She loves how it feels underneath her fingertips and how easily they’d glide (or slide off) from your skin. Now, she’s very practical when it comes to her own underwear (as we stated in our headcanons about what the Assassins would wear), but even she owns her set of satin underwear, to be used during those special nights with you 😉

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He doesn’t really care what you wear up top though he’d likely want that you’d wear no bra *coughs* What would really get him excited is if you’re wearing a g-string. He’s absolutely shameless about it, too, because he’s the sort who would buy you one. He might try to convince you to wear one for the beach, but whether or not you agree he’d eventually realise that he wants you wearing it for his eyes only.

Miscellaneous

Yooo people should submit porn gifs that remind them of the assassins, like how they’d fuck or their fav position or something <3 <3 <3

August 27, 2016

Well, that would certainly be quite a challenge! But I’m not certain how to categorise those submissions. Maybe we should have a Sinful GIF day or something. I will need to confer with the others about this. 🙂

For now, I tried to look for any gifs and it was difficult for me to find appropriate ones. Oh, it is easy to look for porn gifs; you only need to search for them on Google. But what makes them difficult is finding good ones that aren’t too hardcore (if you notice we still censor the really naughty bits in the images here). Add to that difficulty is finding a “look-a-like” (which is nigh impossible lol). So, at best, I could find ones that could “tease” you into thinking that the person in the GIFs is your favourite Assassin/Templar ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I am posting these GIFs here primarily because I want our patrons to be “inspired” by them. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Sometimes, the sinful mind needs a bit of the visuals to be truly creative~ ;D

All of the GIFs are under the cut, so please make sure you won’t get into trouble viewing these! ♥

~ Signora Paola

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DACS Greatest Hits

What would our Assassins (and Templars, why not?) cook for their beloved one for first time?

August 15, 2016

(As a reminder, we are not accepting requests for headcanons right now. This ask has been in our Drafts for so long–heaven knows how long ago we received this–and we really apologise for the tardiness of our response!)

Desmond: He’d probably do something super hip NYC fusion food of whatever, because fusion food is hip and cool and fits into the bar & nightclub scene that he works at (before he got kidnapped by Abstergo)

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Altaïr: Shawarma, the Middle Eastern equivalent of the ‘burrito’.

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He’d pull off an Iron Man and take his beloved to Shawarma Palace after kicking some butt lmao

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Ezio: The most molto bene pene pasta ever ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) okay maybe he’ll save the pene pasta for much much later lol…nah instead he’d make Ravioli Nudi

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Connor: Tekarihstóyen (Mohawk for ‘Fry bread’–or should I say FRYE Bread? *shot* Mind you, I keep on typing “Frye Bread” into the search engines now lmao). Sooooo unhealthy but SO GOOD. Dip it in honey and it taste even better hnnnngh just make sure to not eat it all the time lol.

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Tagging @thenoahwatts because this reminded me of that one time on his Twitch channel, where half of us would always end up steering the Twich chat convo into food or porn…or both…

Aveline: Jambalaya yum yum yum mmmm or seafood gumbo YUMMY

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Edward: Welsh Cakes. Perfect for breakfast~

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Adéwalé: Callaloo. It’s a traditional Caribbean dish that has West African roots. Very tasty and full of greens~

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Shay: Irish stew. Simple but super delish and meaty~

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Haytham: Tarragon chicken salad tea sandwiches, for tea time~

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Arno: Puits d’amour ♥

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Shao Jun: Chinese hot pot! Aw man she’d not only be cooking for her beloved, but also for their entire family as well lol. She’d invite them all to her house and they’d be going at it for 6 hours straight, sitting there and eating this hot pot meal. I mean you can literally make this into a 21-course meal almost I mean just look at all that food it’s almost like Korean BBQ or Japanese Yakiniku YUM

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Arbaaz: Chicken Tikka Masala. Super delicious chicken meal, packed with aromatic Indian spices. I think Evie would love it lol it’s like British-Indian fusion almost~

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Evie: Beef Wellington. I think it’s one of her special recipes she reserves for Christmas. Just watching this video is making me want one soooo bad

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Jacob: Buttered toast, burnt at the edges. ~/o/ Okay, okay. Maybe he’d actually try to make something more complicated for his significant other, so a nice full English breakfast. (Just expect some parts to be a little bit burnt.)

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Thank you for making us hungry. 8V

DACS Greatest Hits

Hi, I have a non-dirty question to ask, but if you could cast any actoractress to play an original assassin from an era of your choice, who would it be. My personal choice is Channing Tatum as a roman assassin (watch The Eagle, you’ll see why)

August 11, 2016

*Friendly reminder that we are no longer accepting anymore dirty/non-dirty head-canon questions! We are only posting these here to clear out the remaining questions in our Drafts page. Thank you!* (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

Sweet summer child, let me give you the face claims I’ve picked for the era I chose to write a fan fic about (it’s still a work-in-progress btw, but when it’s done, I’ll have it on the 50 Pene page): 1950s/60s Mid-century Modern AU

Warning: this post is PICTURE HEAVY! Pics are shown under the cut~

Altaïr/Desmond/Ezio:

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Francisco Randez of course–he’s the face model for Altaïr/Desmond/Ezio. although I don’t think he can act as well as he can model…so maybe I’d choose Milo Ventimiglia instead :

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And then Pedro Pascal for older Ezio:

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Lucy Stillman:

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Kristen Bell is an obvious choice, since her character was modeled after her. Blonde bombshell femme fatale spy, yes~

Aveline de Grandpré:

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Zoe Saldana. She’d make Aveline into a good femme fatale assassin~

Elise de la Serre:

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Catherine Bérubé, the face model for Elise. ^ Also Isla Fisher (of The Great Gatsby fame) may also be a good choice:

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Arno Dorian:

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Dan Jeannotte, Arno’s voice actor. He can go play as the good cop in crime scene investigations, or be the federal secret agent lol ARREST ME, OFFICER~

(ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

Shao Jun:

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Zhang Ziyi. ^ I think she’d look nice in vintage fashion.

Arbaaz Mir:

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Vidyut Jamwal, Bollywood actor-turned-model. Uhm well HELLO~ (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

Nikolai Orelov:

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He was great in Dracula Untold, and I think he has that sort of Eastern European air down so~ (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

Evie Frye:

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Her voice actress, Victoria Atkin. I think she’d look super cute with the 60s beehive lol

Jacob Frye:

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Paul Amos–need I say more? lol

Lydia Frye:

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Michelle Dockery of Downtown Abbey fame ^

Adéwalé:

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Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbajeas as…Adéwalé Yes. Same name actor.

Connor/Ratonhnhaké:ton:

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Michael Hudson for a young Connor, but Eddie Spears for older Connor:

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Edward Kenway:

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I think it’s fanon by now that Chirs Hemsworth is the fan-preferred casting for Edward ahaha. Although Eddy’s voice actor (Matt Ryan) isn’t so bad looking himself. He just needs to dye his hair blond lol:

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Shay Cormac:

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Mads Mikkelson, because I can NO LONGER UNSEE him as Shay when everyeone was also getting suspicious of who Ubisoft used for Shay’s face claim. Mads just needs to dye his hair brown. Then he can go play James Bond with Haytham. Yessss

(ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

 

Haytham Bond Haytham. Haytham Kenway:

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Jon Hamm of Mad Men fame, especially as 30-something year old Haytham because HNNNNNNNGH~ this suave son of a gun’s got the Bond-like qualities and sassiness needed to play Hatham Kenway. I think everyone knows by now that I CANNOT UNSEE Jon Hamm as Haytham LOL (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

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*melts from all the beautiful people*

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– Ezio Auditore

DACS Greatest Hits

August 11, 2016

Thank you very much for participating in our What they would do if their lover is having a bad day ask meme! ♥

Let us imagine that these are all for a modern AU situation (because we feel that this best described in a modern scenario ;D)

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He’d leave little “nuggets” on your things and probably even all over your house, like he wants you to undergo a little treasure hunt! They’re not even expensive gifts, just cute little messages. Like he’d probably start by leaving a sweet message like, “Darling, I made you this chocolate drink (choose any of those drinks in the link!). You will love it, I promise. You have another message waiting for you in your phone. Follow my instructions and soon enough you will find the prize waiting for you in the end – namely, me. Is aoibhinn liom tú. ♥”

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The type who would spoil you so much with her pampering. She’d give you a full-body massage and would even persuade you to let her give you a warm bath. Her touches would be so soft and relaxing that you’d probably end up dozing off – and that’s exactly how she wants it. She would want you to relax and to get a good rest, because there’s nothing better than to wake up well-rested and in her arms.

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She will read you a book that you haven’t finished reading yet or, better yet, your favourite book! There is something so soothing and lovely about hearing Evie tell you your favourite story (or alternatively, her own favourite book). She knows that listening to her calms you down and she delights in watching you close your eyes and smile when she narrates your favourite parts. If you end up falling asleep, she wouldn’t mind at all. She’d just cover you in blankets and cuddle with you.

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He’d be so willing to do all the household chores for the day just to lighten your load! He’d even make your favourite food (we think he’s a good cook). Thing is, though, he’s more comfortable when he’s not wearing much while doing chores, so expect him to wear just a pair of shorts and nothing else. He’s not trying to seduce you; he just prefers to be unrestricted in his movements. But are you really complaining when this half-naked hunk of muscly goodness is basically your–uhm–devoted housekeeper for the day? 8D

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He’s the type who wouldn’t want you to stay at home and sulk. He wants you to go out and have an adventure, however silly it is. Like imagine him barging in and going, “Let’s go out and catch Pokemons*!” You’d be initially sullen watching this manchild excitedly catching Pokemons, but you can’t help but feel oddly charmed by his antics: Him calling his sister just to say, “EVIE I CAUGHT AN EEVEE~” or calling his Pidgeys “MY ROOKS” (he names them “Rook #1,” “Rook #2,” etc.). He knows that making you laugh is the best way to beat a bad day, so he’d do everything to make you smile.

*Welp we just had to put some Pokemon Go reference in there /o/ Can you even imagine the Assassins and Templars playing this game though omg