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Miscellaneous

Noootttt a confession but I reALLY hate the way I can be attempting to get on with a normal life and then I play Syndicate again ONCE after a little break and BOOM. I’m a Jacob sinful mess all over again. Needless to say this afternoon was spent trawling through the Jacob tag on the blog 😏😏😏 amen for DirtyAssCreedSecrets and the beautiful admin who uphold it 👏🏻 not forgetting the fabulous sinners who keep our places in hell firmly reserved 👍🏻

August 15, 2016

There’s just no escape from Jacob’s Temptation, my friend. Everyone – and I do mean, everyone – who stands within his radius is bound to fall for his charms as clearly illustrated here~

Please do keep the beautiful sins coming! Remember that we wouldn’t have gotten this far without you. We couldn’t have asked for better patrons (´∀`)♡

Love,
~ Signora Paola

Confessions

August 13, 2016

‘Need Evie to give me her ‘devilish smile’ while she’s torturing me with her skilled strong hand.


Indeed, her devilish smile makes you want to do… things ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Miscellaneous

Not a dirty confession, but Evie has the perfect nose for Eskimo kissing. Don’t you just wanna rub the tip of your sniffer up against hers like two little bunny rabbits? Sorry, the adorableness of the thought is getting to me.

August 12, 2016
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This sounds so damn cute!!~♥
I can imagine Evie giving eskimo smooches all the time. Yet I must remind, that we’re a dirty confession blog 😉

Juicy details is what we love to receive from you! ♥

Stay awesome and take care, lovely!
-Sister Teodora. ♥

DACS Greatest Hits

Hi, I have a non-dirty question to ask, but if you could cast any actoractress to play an original assassin from an era of your choice, who would it be. My personal choice is Channing Tatum as a roman assassin (watch The Eagle, you’ll see why)

August 11, 2016

*Friendly reminder that we are no longer accepting anymore dirty/non-dirty head-canon questions! We are only posting these here to clear out the remaining questions in our Drafts page. Thank you!* (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

Sweet summer child, let me give you the face claims I’ve picked for the era I chose to write a fan fic about (it’s still a work-in-progress btw, but when it’s done, I’ll have it on the 50 Pene page): 1950s/60s Mid-century Modern AU

Warning: this post is PICTURE HEAVY! Pics are shown under the cut~

Altaïr/Desmond/Ezio:

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Francisco Randez of course–he’s the face model for Altaïr/Desmond/Ezio. although I don’t think he can act as well as he can model…so maybe I’d choose Milo Ventimiglia instead :

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And then Pedro Pascal for older Ezio:

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Lucy Stillman:

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Kristen Bell is an obvious choice, since her character was modeled after her. Blonde bombshell femme fatale spy, yes~

Aveline de Grandpré:

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Zoe Saldana. She’d make Aveline into a good femme fatale assassin~

Elise de la Serre:

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Catherine Bérubé, the face model for Elise. ^ Also Isla Fisher (of The Great Gatsby fame) may also be a good choice:

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Arno Dorian:

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Dan Jeannotte, Arno’s voice actor. He can go play as the good cop in crime scene investigations, or be the federal secret agent lol ARREST ME, OFFICER~

(ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

Shao Jun:

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Zhang Ziyi. ^ I think she’d look nice in vintage fashion.

Arbaaz Mir:

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Vidyut Jamwal, Bollywood actor-turned-model. Uhm well HELLO~ (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

Nikolai Orelov:

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He was great in Dracula Untold, and I think he has that sort of Eastern European air down so~ (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

Evie Frye:

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Her voice actress, Victoria Atkin. I think she’d look super cute with the 60s beehive lol

Jacob Frye:

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Paul Amos–need I say more? lol

Lydia Frye:

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Michelle Dockery of Downtown Abbey fame ^

Adéwalé:

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Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbajeas as…Adéwalé Yes. Same name actor.

Connor/Ratonhnhaké:ton:

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Michael Hudson for a young Connor, but Eddie Spears for older Connor:

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Edward Kenway:

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I think it’s fanon by now that Chirs Hemsworth is the fan-preferred casting for Edward ahaha. Although Eddy’s voice actor (Matt Ryan) isn’t so bad looking himself. He just needs to dye his hair blond lol:

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Shay Cormac:

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Mads Mikkelson, because I can NO LONGER UNSEE him as Shay when everyeone was also getting suspicious of who Ubisoft used for Shay’s face claim. Mads just needs to dye his hair brown. Then he can go play James Bond with Haytham. Yessss

(ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

 

Haytham Bond Haytham. Haytham Kenway:

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Jon Hamm of Mad Men fame, especially as 30-something year old Haytham because HNNNNNNNGH~ this suave son of a gun’s got the Bond-like qualities and sassiness needed to play Hatham Kenway. I think everyone knows by now that I CANNOT UNSEE Jon Hamm as Haytham LOL (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)

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*melts from all the beautiful people*

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– Ezio Auditore

Dirty Reblogs, Miscellaneous, Paola's Choice

I can’t stop imagining Jacob’s ~pene~ with his little weird voice… oh my…

August 11, 2016

ellestrix:

dirtyasscreedsecrets:

(Ah, is it thanks to this confession? ;D)

This is problematic, my dear anon. If Jacob Frye requires nearly 100% of your attention daily, can you even imagine the trouble of trying to shut up his Pene™ voice?

Of course, there is one foolproof way to shut it up~

~ Signora Paola

Jacob stirred restlessly, shifting from one side to the other in his seat. “Yes, it is a VERY NICE DAY TODAY, DON’T YOU THINK?!” he wailed, practically shouting at the end of his statement. Whipping off his hat, he positioned it on top of his lap, and began loudly humming Beethoven’s 9th symphony.
“What’s wrong, Jacob?” she asked, confused by her lover’s erratic behaviour. She looked him up and down, from the thin layer of sweat on his brow to the pained expression he wore, and to the stiff way he was holding himself.
Breifly ceasing to hum, Jacob opened his mouth to announce that he was fine, but before he could utter a single syllable, a high-pitched squeak piped up from uner his hat. “Oh shit,” he muttered, frantically searching the sitting room for a pillow or cushion.
Curious, and concerned, she put a hand on Jacob’s shoulder. “Honey, I’m sure it’s fine… whatever it is.” With her other hand she picked up Jacob’s top hat off his crotch and placed it on the arm of the sofa. Smiling at Jacob’s obvious erection within his pants, she kissed him on the lips.
When the kiss broke off, she undid his pants, and out popped Jacob’s pene. “It’s cold in here!” it shrilled, doing an upright dance. “Warm me up, sweetheart!” it directed this final statement at her, and she nearly fainted.
Holding on to the sofa, she took several deep breaths before looking at it again. It had a teensy tiny top hat. Jacob groaned, and turned red when he saw how intensely she was looking at his pene. She stroked it with her hand, and Jacob’s pene got even more excited. “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff. I get RESULTS, Big Guy, you should try it someday!”

THIS IS PERFECTION. THIS SHOULD WIN NUMEROUS AWARDS. THIS SHOULD BE PLACED IN JACOB FRYE’S BIOGRAPHY.

~ Signora Paola

Miscellaneous

Eeek! You published my very first confession on this blog (the more recent one about waking Connor up) – I was so excited to see it! Thanks for keeping this thing up and running! You’re all fabulous.

August 10, 2016

You’re welcome, amore! 

I’m happy you like our blog and I hope you send more sins soon!

~Claudia

Miscellaneous

Thanks to this blog, I’ve been abusing the Le Lenny Face like nobody’s business, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) It annoys some friends ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but I don’t care because it’s PERFETTO ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

August 9, 2016

Show them this vid and let’s see if they don’t end up dreaming about the mighty Le Lenny.

Or you can always show this to them

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There’s no other face that can perfectly encapsulate this blog. ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕤ

~ Signora Paola

Miscellaneous

Imagine this: Jacob Frye slathered in butter. Or rather… Becel Buttery Taste (c).

August 9, 2016

Sweet buttery asparagus heavens, anon! And here I thought it was completely gone from my subconscious. You needed not remind us of this commercial!

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(Well no actually do remind us again and again that such a video existed.)

~ Signora Paola (who now wishes there’s an audiobook read by Paul Amos of this programming book she has to read)