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I have a ‘Sweet’ question to ask: What would the weddings of your favourite Assassins or Templars be like?
July 13, 2020Firstly, we want to remind our lovely patrons that while we don’t mind getting non-dirty headcanon requests, we really do prefer getting dirty ones. It’s to keep the theme of our bordello after all! You followed this blog for the dirtiness, yes? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Then we wish to keep most of our content titillating~
[I’m going to answer this with canon pairings in mind, so as to make it convenient and not have to spam with so many pics~]
Maria & Altaïr: They got married in Limassol, Cyprus. They probably did so at the Limassol castle grounds.
Edward: With Caroline? He probably did it in the middle of a pirate battle, with Adéwalé as his officiant, lol. Kinda like Elizabeth and Will Turner’s hasty wedding scene in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I can’t see Edward doing this with Tessa, however (he most likely had a traditional wedding with her).
Unknown woman in Assassin’s Creed: Last Descendants & Shay: Shay would also get married at sea, but not all hasty like Edward. He’d have a Celtic hand-fasting aboard the Morrigan, with Christopher Gist as the officiant. Shay doesn’t care if bringing a woman on board signals bad luck, or if he’s not following ‘proper’ wedding protocols. He makes his own luck. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ziio & Haytham: Longhouse ceremony first. Then they’d have an estate wedding, right in the Kenway Mansion, so as to honor Haytham’s late father (now I’m depressed that Ziio never got to see the Kenway manor).
Unknown indigenous woman in Assassin’s Creed: Reflections & Connor: Connor is too shy to have a big fat wedding. Most likely to have a guest list of 30 people or under. He and his bride would have a Longhouse ceremony first, then do it European-style in the cozy outdoors of the Homestead.
Élise & Arno: They’d have an elopement in the French countryside, away from all the city madness.
Frye twins: Both had a typical Victorian wedding fanfare. Although with Evie and Henry Green, I can see them doing the Indian-style ceremony first before the Victorian-style:
Aya & Bayek: I can see them having a pleasant outdoor wedding, with the Nile River as their backdrop.
Alexios or Kassandra: Big fat Greek wedding, hands down, lol. Most likely outdoors, either on the hillside or at the beach:
Sofia & Ezio: Last but not least…me! I married Sophia in Venice. I had a big, fat, Italian wedding, just like the Greeks, heheh. First, I did La Serenata on Sofia in my minstrel outfit. She had a good laugh or two then gave me delicious food afterwards. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You can say that my wedding rivaled that of Apollonia and Michael Corleone from The Godfather:
Now, if any of you are getting married in the near future, and have yet to find a DJ or musician for your wedding, then I volunteer as tribute. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
~ Ezio
Thank you very much for participating in our What they would do on their lover’s birthday? ask meme! ♥ We really apologise for the tardiness of our response! We’ve been so busy with our work outside La Rosa in Fiore!
No big parties here, he just wants to celebrate it with you privately. Of course, if you want to throw a party he wouldn’t object; just expect him to organise a different celebration where it’s only the two of you. He’d want to take you outdoors, maybe camping (if you’re not too adverse to it) or going to a place you really want to relax in. Maybe a lodge in a beautiful place or even a beach – imagine Connor in shorts or even swimming trunks, that should tick off one birthday wish for you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
He wants you to feel like a princess, so this is how it’s going to happen: He would hire your own chauffeur who would take you to places he already booked and paid for – a spa for a massage, a salon for a fancy haircut/hairstyling and make-up, a clothes shop where you can buy to your heart’s content (thank God for deep Assassin pockets). Then finally when you arrive in the restaurant you’re supposed to meet him you find out that it’s full of your friends and Arno is right in the middle of it, looking very much like a Prince Charming. Best of all – you find out that the birthday cake was personally baked by him.
Paola has her own headcanons ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) He’d be a little excessive about it, like the stuff you see in movies. How? We could see him pretending that it’s just a normal birthday date. Nighttime comes and you’re in this park with other people. Suddenly, one group starts singing you a song you’ve never heard before. You don’t really pay attention until something in the lyrics catches your attention: They’re singing about you. To your utter surprise Jacob joins in, and before long the entire park is filled with song about you with him leading it. All the while you’re just standing there dumbfounded and feeling like you’re in a Disney movie.
Mister Kenway would make sure you enjoy your day with your loved ones and friends first arranging a party and making sure your guests enjoy themselves as well. Later then, he would take you for a private dinner for two at a fancy restaurant. Not only are you the only ones in the restaurant, but you also have your very own quartet performing you your favourite songs. You can pick your favorite meal and drink and he wouldn’t even mind the price. This is your day and you deserve the best.
We think that Shay would organize a surprise party with all your friends and family. You wouldn’t even expect what he has been planning through the weeks, but in case you’re starting to suspect something fishy he’s going to leave you sweet little notes everywhere during your special day. Once you get home: SURPRISE!! The cake is your favorite flavor, the music makes you want to dance and who better than to dance with your delightful boyfriend?
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What would our Assassins (and Templars, why not?) cook for their beloved one for first time?
August 15, 2016(As a reminder, we are not accepting requests for headcanons right now. This ask has been in our Drafts for so long–heaven knows how long ago we received this–and we really apologise for the tardiness of our response!)
Desmond: He’d probably do something super hip NYC fusion food of whatever, because fusion food is hip and cool and fits into the bar & nightclub scene that he works at (before he got kidnapped by Abstergo)
Altaïr: Shawarma, the Middle Eastern equivalent of the ‘burrito’.
He’d pull off an Iron Man and take his beloved to Shawarma Palace after kicking some butt lmao
Ezio: The most molto bene pene pasta ever ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) okay maybe he’ll save the pene pasta for much much later lol…nah instead he’d make Ravioli Nudi
Connor: Tekarihstóyen (Mohawk for ‘Fry bread’–or should I say FRYE Bread? *shot* Mind you, I keep on typing “Frye Bread” into the search engines now lmao). Sooooo unhealthy but SO GOOD. Dip it in honey and it taste even better hnnnngh just make sure to not eat it all the time lol.
Tagging @thenoahwatts because this reminded me of that one time on his Twitch channel, where half of us would always end up steering the Twich chat convo into food or porn…or both…
Aveline: Jambalaya yum yum yum mmmm or seafood gumbo YUMMY
Edward: Welsh Cakes. Perfect for breakfast~
Adéwalé: Callaloo. It’s a traditional Caribbean dish that has West African roots. Very tasty and full of greens~
Shay: Irish stew. Simple but super delish and meaty~
Haytham: Tarragon chicken salad tea sandwiches, for tea time~
Arno: Puits d’amour ♥
Shao Jun: Chinese hot pot! Aw man she’d not only be cooking for her beloved, but also for their entire family as well lol. She’d invite them all to her house and they’d be going at it for 6 hours straight, sitting there and eating this hot pot meal. I mean you can literally make this into a 21-course meal almost I mean just look at all that food it’s almost like Korean BBQ or Japanese Yakiniku YUM
Arbaaz: Chicken Tikka Masala. Super delicious chicken meal, packed with aromatic Indian spices. I think Evie would love it lol it’s like British-Indian fusion almost~
Evie: Beef Wellington. I think it’s one of her special recipes she reserves for Christmas. Just watching this video is making me want one soooo bad
Jacob: Buttered toast, burnt at the edges. ~/o/ Okay, okay. Maybe he’d actually try to make something more complicated for his significant other, so a nice full English breakfast. (Just expect some parts to be a little bit burnt.)
Thank you for making us hungry. 8V
DACS Greatest Hits
Hi, I have a non-dirty question to ask, but if you could cast any actoractress to play an original assassin from an era of your choice, who would it be. My personal choice is Channing Tatum as a roman assassin (watch The Eagle, you’ll see why)
August 11, 2016*Friendly reminder that we are no longer accepting anymore dirty/non-dirty head-canon questions! We are only posting these here to clear out the remaining questions in our Drafts page. Thank you!* (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)
Sweet summer child, let me give you the face claims I’ve picked for the era I chose to write a fan fic about (it’s still a work-in-progress btw, but when it’s done, I’ll have it on the 50 Pene page): 1950s/60s Mid-century Modern AU
Warning: this post is PICTURE HEAVY! Pics are shown under the cut~
Altaïr/Desmond/Ezio:
Francisco Randez of course–he’s the face model for Altaïr/Desmond/Ezio. although I don’t think he can act as well as he can model…so maybe I’d choose Milo Ventimiglia instead :
And then Pedro Pascal for older Ezio:
Lucy Stillman:
Kristen Bell is an obvious choice, since her character was modeled after her. Blonde bombshell femme fatale spy, yes~
Aveline de Grandpré:
Zoe Saldana. She’d make Aveline into a good femme fatale assassin~
Elise de la Serre:
Catherine Bérubé, the face model for Elise. ^ Also Isla Fisher (of The Great Gatsby fame) may also be a good choice:
Arno Dorian:
Dan Jeannotte, Arno’s voice actor. He can go play as the good cop in crime scene investigations, or be the federal secret agent lol ARREST ME, OFFICER~
(ʘ‿ʘ ✿)
Shao Jun:
Zhang Ziyi. ^ I think she’d look nice in vintage fashion.
Arbaaz Mir:
Vidyut Jamwal, Bollywood actor-turned-model. Uhm well HELLO~ (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)
Nikolai Orelov:
He was great in Dracula Untold, and I think he has that sort of Eastern European air down so~ (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)
Evie Frye:
Her voice actress, Victoria Atkin. I think she’d look super cute with the 60s beehive lol
Jacob Frye:
Paul Amos–need I say more? lol
Lydia Frye:
Michelle Dockery of Downtown Abbey fame ^
Adéwalé:
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbajeas as…Adéwalé Yes. Same name actor.
Connor/Ratonhnhaké:ton:
Michael Hudson for a young Connor, but Eddie Spears for older Connor:
Edward Kenway:
I think it’s fanon by now that Chirs Hemsworth is the fan-preferred casting for Edward ahaha. Although Eddy’s voice actor (Matt Ryan) isn’t so bad looking himself. He just needs to dye his hair blond lol:
Shay Cormac:
Mads Mikkelson, because I can NO LONGER UNSEE him as Shay when everyeone was also getting suspicious of who Ubisoft used for Shay’s face claim. Mads just needs to dye his hair brown. Then he can go play James Bond with Haytham. Yessss
(ʘ‿ʘ ✿)
Haytham Bond Haytham. Haytham Kenway:
Jon Hamm of Mad Men fame, especially as 30-something year old Haytham because HNNNNNNNGH~ this suave son of a gun’s got the Bond-like qualities and sassiness needed to play Hatham Kenway. I think everyone knows by now that I CANNOT UNSEE Jon Hamm as Haytham LOL (ʘ‿ʘ ✿)
*melts from all the beautiful people*
– Ezio Auditore
Thank you very much for participating in our What they would do if their lover is having a bad day ask meme! ♥
Let us imagine that these are all for a modern AU situation (because we feel that this best described in a modern scenario ;D)
He’d leave little “nuggets” on your things and probably even all over your house, like he wants you to undergo a little treasure hunt! They’re not even expensive gifts, just cute little messages. Like he’d probably start by leaving a sweet message like, “Darling, I made you this chocolate drink (choose any of those drinks in the link!). You will love it, I promise. You have another message waiting for you in your phone. Follow my instructions and soon enough you will find the prize waiting for you in the end – namely, me. Is aoibhinn liom tú. ♥”
The type who would spoil you so much with her pampering. She’d give you a full-body massage and would even persuade you to let her give you a warm bath. Her touches would be so soft and relaxing that you’d probably end up dozing off – and that’s exactly how she wants it. She would want you to relax and to get a good rest, because there’s nothing better than to wake up well-rested and in her arms.
She will read you a book that you haven’t finished reading yet or, better yet, your favourite book! There is something so soothing and lovely about hearing Evie tell you your favourite story (or alternatively, her own favourite book). She knows that listening to her calms you down and she delights in watching you close your eyes and smile when she narrates your favourite parts. If you end up falling asleep, she wouldn’t mind at all. She’d just cover you in blankets and cuddle with you.
He’d be so willing to do all the household chores for the day just to lighten your load! He’d even make your favourite food (we think he’s a good cook). Thing is, though, he’s more comfortable when he’s not wearing much while doing chores, so expect him to wear just a pair of shorts and nothing else. He’s not trying to seduce you; he just prefers to be unrestricted in his movements. But are you really complaining when this half-naked hunk of muscly goodness is basically your–uhm–devoted housekeeper for the day? 8D
He’s the type who wouldn’t want you to stay at home and sulk. He wants you to go out and have an adventure, however silly it is. Like imagine him barging in and going, “Let’s go out and catch Pokemons*!” You’d be initially sullen watching this manchild excitedly catching Pokemons, but you can’t help but feel oddly charmed by his antics: Him calling his sister just to say, “EVIE I CAUGHT AN EEVEE~” or calling his Pidgeys “MY ROOKS” (he names them “Rook #1,” “Rook #2,” etc.). He knows that making you laugh is the best way to beat a bad day, so he’d do everything to make you smile.
*Welp we just had to put some Pokemon Go reference in there /o/ Can you even imagine the Assassins and Templars playing this game though omg
DACS Greatest Hits
First off, y’all are amazing and I check this page multiple times a day for the constant updates. In the meantime, I know you guys have answered the stripper song questions for our saucy Assassins. But I wanted to ask it with a twist in honor of the legendary Prince, who wrote some of most deliciously dirty songs EVER. So, what Prince song do you think each Assassin would strip to?
July 23, 2016(As a reminder, we are not accepting requests for headcanons right now. This ask has been in our Drafts for so long–heaven knows how long ago we received this–and we really apologise for the tardiness of our response!)
Aveline: Erotic City
Shao Jun: Incense and Candles
Evie: One Kiss at a Time
Jacob: Temptation
Demond: We Can Funk
Adéwalé: Black Sweat
Connor: The Question of U
Arno: Le Grind
– Ezio Auditore
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To all you ladies out there, who do you think are the perfect actors to play the roles of the assassins if there ever was a live action movie about them? *cough* Shay Cormac *cough**cough* Mads Mikkelsen *cough*
July 13, 2016For characters whose voice actors are film/TV actors themselves, it seems the obvious choice is that the actors would play as their characters (Noah Watts as Connor, Adrian Hough as Haytham, Paul Amos as Jacob, etc.) but for the others who don’t have a big film/TV repertoire…
Aveline (funny thing is her actress does have a big resumé, except she’s super White and then of course tumblr will throw a fit about ‘black-facing’ if Ubisoft uses Aveline’s VA…whatever *shrug* so I would say this person below instead):
Zoe Saldana; she kinda had the look down in Pirates of the Caribbean.
Shao Jun (also has a voice actress that doesn’t match character’s ethnicity):
Zhang Ziyi
Adéwalé:
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje. Yes, same-name actor as Adéwalé.
Desmond:
Milo Ventimiglia.
Okay, I guess I’ll make one exception for Haytham Kenway. I think Jon Hamm should play him, but only in a modern AU setting:
Why? Because dat moment when you morph their faces and nothing happens. I’m convinced that Ubisoft secretly used Jon Hamm for the rest of Haytham’s facial rendering.
I wouldn’t mind a suave, business savvy, Mad Men-like Kenway, at all, not at all…
– Ezio Auditore
Thank you very much for participating in our first Ask Meme! ♥
How they would say ‘I love you’ for the first time:
Very spontaneous and unplanned. He would blurt it out because he was scared shitless that he was going to lose you – maybe because he thought you were going to leave him for good or, worse – you had a very close brush with death. He’d likely hide it behind anger and bluster at first (like in the case of you almost dying he’d probably rant about you not taking care of yourself, etc), but he’d definitely blurt the three-letter-word at the height of his ranting. Like perhaps you’d ask him what the hell his problem is and he’d go, “Well, pardon me for worrying too much just because I love you!”
He’d plan it like days, weeks, even a WHOLE MONTH beforehand. He’d know exactly where to go, what time, how he’d set the mood. He would even prepare and rehearse how he’d tell you, because goodness knows he’s not exactly the best speaker when it comes to talking about his feelings. Once the day arrives, everything goes well… until that moment he has to tell you words he has rehearsed so many weeks in advance. He’d stammer and forget most of the words he planned, so he’d have no choice but to do it all improvised. XD
He’d also plan it in advance, but in a very different manner than Connor. He’d take you for a date and you’d be out drinking. He’d watch you closely and see any signs that you’re tipsy. Once he sees that you’re getting “looser” than usual, that’s when he’d strike. He’d pretend to be drunk when he says “I love you,” though, JUST IN CASE you don’t return the depth of his feelings. He’s so scared of rejection that he just wants all his bases covered, you know? He’s expecting that you’d reject him, so he figured that when you’d confront to him about it the next day, he could always say, “Oh. I said that?!! I was too drunk, holy shit! I didn’t mean it lol sorry.” You’d have to convince him that you feel the same. 😉
Like Desmond you’d be out drinking when he says it, but he would be actually quite drunk when he blurts it out. The alcohol would definitely loosen all of his inhibitions and his tongue. Ehem. He’d be very touchy-feely the rest of the evening, repeating “I love you” over and over, that you’d have to wonder if he’s REALLY serious about it. The next day when you confront him about it during breakfast, he’d go, “Nay, that wasn’t me! It was the rum!” Just as you think it’s really just the alcohol that made him say it, he’d add, “This is me saying it now” in an earnest voice.
He knows you’re the one he loves and he wouldn’t waste his time trying to prove it when he could just say it outright. But he’d make sure that the moment is just right, that the mood is perfect. In a way, he’d also plan it meticulously, that nothing is going to remove you from the moment. There’s nothing worse than being interrupted by an outside party like maybe Edward gatecrashing the restaurant you’re having your romantic dinner in. He’d say it maybe after your date or during that romantic dinner, or when you’re dancing under the stars and staring into each others’ eyes.
Now, we’re letting YOU decide which playable characters you want to hear our headcanons of! ;D We will only accept the first 5 playable characters we’ll receive on our inbox, so send us a message now! (And please only send us one character per message, thank you!)
Once we’ve reached the maximum five characters we will be reblogging this post to inform you that we won’t be receiving any more prompts in our ask box.
Grazie! ♥