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Ask the Admins: Dirty Bits

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(Not a confession) What if Ubisoft created a line of Assassin’s Creed inspired sex toys, what do you think they would be?

July 10, 2020

It has to be inspired by the Hidden Blade or else what’s the point, right? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I’m thinking something that you can easily hide and bring with you anywhere. A toy that can be disguised as something else~

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A lipstick vibe that you can easily place in your purse  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) No one except ones gifted with Eagle Vision would really know what it is. To the regular person, it just looks like a regular lipstick. But every Assassin (and Templar) worth their salt would know immediately what it is. Imagine your favourite Assassin or Templar catching a glimpse of this in your purse. Can you imagine what they’d do to you? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I know my answer isn’t too adventurous, but I’m fairly certain Messere Ezio has a lot of things to say. 😏

~ Signora Paola

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WeEEeeEeeLL, I have a lots of toys in mind~  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [Paola’s note: I linked the more explicit ones outside Tumblr. I really don’t want this fun post to get flagged by the Tumblr overlords]

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— A DD/lg-themed BDSM kit to be used by all the Daddies of Understanding and the Daddies of the dirty ol’ Brotherhood for their baby-girls *cough*ME*cough*  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A strap-on dildo with the models of your fav Assassin/Templar pene, for those dirty assassinos and Templars who need a good peggin’ or two. On the same note…

— A whole trunk full of dildos for sale, all modeled after all these hung men of the AC franchise. Kinda like what Rammstein did years ago, hahahaha~ Now you can guess who is the most hung and bara of them all.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which brings me to my next answer…

A chess board with dildos as the pieces, for our classiest Assassins and Templars. This is how they’d pass the time… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which brings me to…

24k Gold vibrator, for the richest of the rich. Who is the richest Assassin or Templar? I like to think I am, but I think Edward has me beat thanks to his piracy. This is treasure that he steals and keeps for himself. PIRATE BOOTY

Or it looks like something that Élise would keep in her boudoir. She’d host a sex toy sales party, and this is what she’d sell to her guests, huehuehue. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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— Pet play kit branded with Connor’s and Shay’s names. I see them being secretly into this, if they’re playing with their more submissive side (although I can see them being Primal Hunters as well, Shay even more so. He gives a new dirty meaning to his ‘Assassin Hunter’ title, huehuehue~). Include these with Primal play. Yes. The Hunter becomes the hunted. Let the Huntress take you. The Wolf gets devoured by the Lion/Lioness. Do you hear the calling of the Wild? The hunt is near. The Predator seeks their Prey. Unleash the beast within. Mwehuehuehue, si, si, si~  ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ

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— Standard BDSM kit, but with class, made by and for the the classiest Dommes of the AC franchise. Evie would take this with her everywhere in London with a get-up similar to Irene Adler’s ‘The Woman’ dominatrix persona from BBC’s Sherlock:

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Si, Mistress Frye, siiiiiiiii~

— Ezio ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

DACS Greatest Hits, Uncategorized

July 8, 2020

To our valued patrons,

First off, I am beyond thrilled that Ezio is back with us! It’s a timely return, too, as I’ve been having ideas on what to do with the bordello, but due to our current pandemic it’s been quite difficult for me to spend quality time here. 😞 I just have enough time to read your confessions and edit them all. With Messere Ezio’s homecoming, we can finally cater to other fun, dirty activities ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

And what better way to start that, than to finally update our Stripper Playlist! Here is the playlist (with their YouTube links):

I especially had fun choosing songs for Kassandra and Alexios because there was the extra challenge of looking for a counterpart that would fit their Deimos persona. 😏

Do you have your own headcanons as to what your favourite Assassin or Templar would strip to? Reblog this post and share it with us!

Love,
~ Signora Paola

DACS Greatest Hits

November 30, 2016

Thank you very much for participating in our What type of underwear they would prefer their female lover to use? ask meme! Specifically (since the Rosa in Fiore is all about the dirtiness), the type of lingerie that would arouse them and drive them wild with desire ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Very classic corset + underwear + garter + stockings combo. He’s not very particular with the design nor the material. All he needs to see is these four together and he’d want to remove them from you… or maybe even hold off the gratification for a bit and he’d ask you to walk around the room only wearing them. Imagine having a very private dinner with Mr. Kenway and you’re only wearing that.

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Any type of underwear that has ribbons or laces that he could unfasten – that *could* include a corset, but we don’t think he has the patience to unlace everything 😉 It feels like he’s unwrapping a very exquisite gift when he does so, and we can imagine that he would be the type to tease you and undo those ribbons very slowly (maybe even whisper obscene things to really work you up). When he uses his teeth to untie them you know he’s really hungry.

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Babydoll/slip, especially the kind that leaves some to the imagination, like a fabric that still covers the important bits 😉 Underwear for him is that crucial final layer of clothing, one that needs to be savoured to the fullest. We also think he likes to be teased visually, so having to raise the hem of your slip to reveal whatever you’re wearing (or not wearing) underneath is enough to get him going.

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Any type of underwear that’s made of lace. He loves how they look and how opulent they seem to be. Like Jacob with his ribbons, to him all that embroidery makes it seem that you are a prized gift waiting to be unwrapped by him. 😉 He may even like the feeling of it to the point that he’d ask you to wear lace gloves while you’re about to jerk him off.

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Any type of corset, whether it’s the underbust, full cup, waist cincher, demi plunge… you name it, he loves it. Unlike Haytham who likes seeing the “full package” (so to speak), Arno’s singular love for the corset is due to the fact that it not only makes your waist tiny, but it pushes your breasts upwards. He also loves the act of untying those laces behind you, though if he’s really impatient you might watch out for that hidden blade.

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Anything that’s made of satin. She loves how it feels underneath her fingertips and how easily they’d glide (or slide off) from your skin. Now, she’s very practical when it comes to her own underwear (as we stated in our headcanons about what the Assassins would wear), but even she owns her set of satin underwear, to be used during those special nights with you 😉

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He doesn’t really care what you wear up top though he’d likely want that you’d wear no bra *coughs* What would really get him excited is if you’re wearing a g-string. He’s absolutely shameless about it, too, because he’s the sort who would buy you one. He might try to convince you to wear one for the beach, but whether or not you agree he’d eventually realise that he wants you wearing it for his eyes only.

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September 2, 2016

Thank you very much for participating in our What are their erogenous zone/s, the spots that would make them grow wild with desire? ask meme! ♥

For this ask, we are foregoing the pene since it is, well, the most obvious erogenous zone for men. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Also, we’re adding pictures of the specific spots, too, just in case you need inspiration for any future confessions. ;D

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(Please don’t look at his crotch) We think his thighs would be quite sensitive. Think about it…He’s always running and working, which makes his thighs look so muscular and tense… You would run your hands over them while he’s still clothed getting him to relax under your touch. Then once his clothes are off you would trail your fingertips over them, leaving him a panting mess. After that you would kiss, lick and, hey why not, suck his skin avoiding that area we all know is begging for your attention. He will either beg you for release or take matters into his own hands.

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His outfits leave us with a lovely view of his delectable neck, so we believe that would be his weak spot. You would kiss your way up his neck pulling in his hair a little to give you more access, until you find his pulse biting down on it, sucking on the skin, leaving some marks. Then you can go even higher to that spot right below his ear and lick him there only to blow some air on his now wet skin. He would shiver in excitement, soft moans escaping his mouth at your teasing treatment on his neck. After that he might return the favor, who knows where…

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We’ve seen the lovely tattoos on his back; wouldn’t you love to trace your fingers across them? Lucky for you, Edward loves to have his back caressed that way, especially if you start using your fingernails. It doesn’t take much to warm him up, but it would be nice to give him a back massage first and feeling his muscles tense and relax under your touch. Mix it with light scratches, too, and you’d have him growling in no time. And when he’s giving it to you and you can’t help but graze your fingernails harder on his back, then get ready for the ride of your life because he’s going to give it to you hard.

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Altair has the hands of a killer, but they

are sensitive as well. He loses it went you take his hands and lick the slowly paying special attention to his fingers and the palm of his hand. You would take his fingers into his mouth and suck on them eagerly, perhaps as a promise to him of what’s to come. Then you would nibble lightly his skin, specially around his missing finger as the skin the is rather sensitive. He would be more than ready to see your expert mouth work it’s magic elsewhere.

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Well, is anyone really surprised that we think his most sensitive spot is his butt? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Lucky for him (and you), his gluteus maximus is just so… lovely to look at that you can’t help touching it every time it’s within reach. Whether it’s a light slap or even a pinch, Arno certainly loves the attention. You’d know he really wants it when he thrusts his ass outwards if you’re nearby, not-so-subtly begging you to stroke it… maybe even bite it. Oh, he loves to see bite marks on it. But if you’re not quite into it, scratch marks would do, too. In fact, while you’re in the throes of passion he would get really excited if you dig your fingernails into his butt cheeks and push him in deeper.

DACS Greatest Hits

August 20, 2016

Thank you very much for participating in our What kind of dirty things they would say during sex ask meme! ♥

Interestingly enough (and we just remembered this!), Paola has answered a somewhat similar dirty ask before: How does each Assassin give dirty talk? So, our replies here are based from that post (please do read it if you haven’t already!)

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His reticence could be an obstacle; he would prefer to make sounds rather than actually say words, mainly because his mind could get too overloaded with pleasure that he couldn’t really say anything… in English anyway. When he does say something, it would be in his native language. The dirtier the words are (which would be about how good you feel around him), the more he’d use Mohawk. And if you ask him what it means later, he’d be too embarrassed and shy to tell you what it is. Why? Because Connor, the sweet gentleman he is, would think that what he said during the heat of the moment was too disrespectful for you. You’d have to reassure him that he would never upset you, no matter how dirty his words got. ;D

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Well, Paola has very specific ideas what he would say ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) But while we think he’d be very good in describing what he’s feeling, he’d focus more on describing how you look like. He knows exactly how his words and voice affect you, so he wants you completely flustered and under his control. What better way to do it than to do a running commentary on how you’re reacting to his lovemaking? Of course, he has his own limits; you’d know that he’s really close when he is reduced to grunting and groaning. Which is why it’s usually better for him to do the dirty talk when he’s fingering you. Not only could he keep his focus and make you crazy with his words, but he could keep a very close eye on you and describe in vivid detail how you look like trembling underneath him.

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He’s less about describing what he feels or how you look like and more about giving you orders, urging you to kiss and touch him, and being very vocal when you do it just right. 😉 And he would want you to join him in the dirty talk by asking you how it feels, how much you’re enjoying it. And if you’re feeling a little shy to do it, then Altaïr would keep encouraging you, shifting his dirty talk from giving you orders to saying (in an increasingly indecent manner) how you good you feel around him, how you’re driving him crazy the way you sound like moaning his name. And when he tells you that your voice drives him crazy with lust, can you really deny him the pleasure? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Of course his vocabulary would be peppered with modern day dirty talk (and he might even use a couple of corny ones, but you’d still love him for it anyway~). And since he fortunately lives in an era where sexting is a thing, you should definitely expect him to start doing the dirty talk in his messages to you. Like Altaïr he likes to add a bit of a dominant streak to his dirty talk, so expect him to instruct you specifically how to, say, suck his cock. 8D And if he’s really feeling it, we think that of all the characters here he would potentially say the kinkiest things. Maybe he’d say something so kinky in the heat of the moment that it could bring you out of the moment, but he would be willing to talk it over to you after. Maybe you’d find a secret kink of his this way. 😉

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Like Connor, we think he would prefer to make sounds rather than words, but if you tell him that it turns you on so much to hear him do dirty talk, he would do his very best to give you what you want. He would be a little unsure about it first; maybe he would just say something sweet like, “You’re so beautiful like this.” But as his confidence grows, he would get more… graphic. The more graphic it is, the more he reverts to his native language. Like think of the dirtiest things one could say in French and Arno would’ve said them at some point. Good for you if you understand him; unlucky if you don’t, because we think he’d be all smug and secretive about the meaning. You’d have to learn French to understand it. ;D

DACS Greatest Hits

July 20, 2016

Thank you very much for participating in our What they do when they’re having rough sex ask meme! ♥

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Evie’s so used to keeping her emotions in check that we imagine that when she wants rough sex, she wouldn’t say anything. She’d keep quiet, but when you feel her fingernails digging deep into your back (or butt ;D) you know she’s really feeling it. When you feel her clawing you, scratching deep in your skin (maybe even deep enough to draw a bit of blood), you know she’s far gone. She might even bite you (which may be a Frye trait) to keep quiet (because she’s still trying to keep her emotions in check). Who knows – if you do her just right, you might even have her screaming. 😉

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Spanking and a bit of hair pulling. He’s the type who would do doggystyle if he wants it rough. He’d spank you because he likes the view of your buttocks turning dark under his ministrations, and the hair pulling is especially arousing for him because it makes you completely under his mercy and control. So, make sure your hair is long and/or can easily be seized with his hand 😉

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Like Desmond, he’d spank you, but he’d be more of the “Obey me or else” sort. We think that once he’s really into the rough sex, his dominant side would manifest even more. If you tell him and give him your consent that you’re into a bit of choking and/or slapping he’d give it to you. Maybe assert his authority even more by demanding that you answer him every time he asks you question (while you’re having sex, yes – would you be able to even answer him at that point?).

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He’d try to rein himself in. At first. You’d know he’s close to bursting when he starts gripping hard whichever he could reach – bedsheet, headboard, maybe even you. He’d be a little horrified seeing his own handprints on your skin, but once you assure him that you love it there’s no turning back. When he’s really feeling it, be prepared to be restrained. He’d have your hands clasped behind your back or over your head (depending on your position), with his huge hand keeping it still. Like Desmond with his hair pulling, this is so arousing for him because it makes you utterly under his mercy.

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He’d fuck you so hard you’d leave a hole in the bed (an exaggeration, but there is some truth in it, isn’t it?). Or have things fall off if you’re on a table… thumping sounds if it’s against the wall… etc. Basically, just grab onto something because he’s not playing. 😉 As mentioned in Evie’s, biting is a Frye trait and we think Jacob is especially proficient in doing it because he loves seeing his own teeth marks all over your skin. He’d also leave numerous hickeys so get ready to cover them up… unless you want to show them off.

DACS Greatest Hits

July 15, 2016

Thank you very much for participating in our ‘How would they react the 1st time they hear their lover scream their name’ ask meme! ♥ We apologize for the lateness of our responses, but hope you enjoy them nonetheless!

For this theme, imagine you’re getting hot and heavy with the following assassins and, suddenly, the mix of pleasure, lust and desire its too much so you scream their names at the top of your lungs. Here’s the reaction:

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He’s like you, lost in pleasure and desire, but that doesn’t stop him from hearing you call out his name. He would stop, fearing he hurt you or did something wrong, but you reassure him by saying that it’s not pain you feel but immense pleasure. That alone ignites his lust for you and he becomes more determined to make you shout of his name again and again, loving the way it sounds coming from your mouth, hitting those spots that make you lose your mind and surrender to him… he might even get bossy and ask for you to shout out his true name!

Il Mentore would be very, very pleased with you shouting his name, after all it means that whatever he’s doing is going very well for you. He would relish the sounds of your pleading voice full of passion, and would praise you for it in Italian, fueling your desire even more. He would ask you to keep doing it or to start describing what you’re feeling, so he knows what triggers those shouts out of you. He would praise your voice and your body and try his best to keep you shouting his name.

He would be caught in the moment, his need for you being too much to handle. As soon as he hears his name coming from your lips he would reply with yours, moaning it into your ear, letting you hear how vulnerable you make him and how much he needs you. As you repeat his name he would repeat yours, like a mantra to keep him anchored to you and to prolong the pleasure for as long as he can, because you make him feel good and he wants you to know it and, above all else, feel it.

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Oh, he would tease you… he would say that he has to be very good at what he’s doing for you to lose control like that! He would smile, chuckle and remark how lovely your voice sounds when you scream his name and how he now wants you to scream again. He would ask you what specifically made you scream, all while teasing your body, until he hits that spot again. We hope you’re ready because he can be very persistent. After that, he would still tease you for being a screamer, but he enjoys it nonetheless.

A passionate lover that would reciprocate love and passion to you after you scream his name. He would find it adorable and very sexual, especially in the way your voice sounds. He would shower your face with kisses and whisper sweet words of encouragement in French to you, as he keep hitting that spot that makes you shout over and over again. He would lean his forehead against yours, gaze searching, as you try very hard to control yourself… only to hear him asking you to let go.

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In the spirit of having just seen Magic Mike XXL, I can’t help but ask; what do you lovely people think everyone (including Haytham and Shay) would wear for their “male entertainer” themes? ;D

July 5, 2016
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That’s what they would all wear.

– from the ladies of Rosa in Fiore

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This is mostly humorous than dirty but can we get a headcanon of how the assassins try to hide their boners in public because as I come to understand they can just happen randomly. He he I’m so immature.

June 30, 2016

Altaïr: He doesn’t even care–

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Maybe he hides it by just keeping his legs together, and then his robes will fall back into their natural spot.

Jacob: TOP HAT M’LADY; HE’D HIDE IT WITH HIS TOP HAT

Connor: ….There’s no way he can hide that boner. I mean just look at those tight trousers–

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Maybe he’d try covering it with his robes idk. lol

Edward: Just like Jacob, he uses THE HAT, THE PIRATE HAT M’LADY

Adéwalé: He’d hide it by running into the ocean and swimming.

Haytham: like this–

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Ezio: why should I hide mine? That’s how you get the ladies.

– Ezio Auditore

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Not a confession, though, but a curious question. I was watching Evie Frye participating in Fight Clubs in YouTube and I can’t help notice her bust. What do you think is her bust size? I bet Elise’s is bigger than Evie’s. :3

June 28, 2016

To be honest, it’s hard to tell from just looking…need Evie Fyre here and now to…touch….and measure….but I’ll take a guess. She seems to have a wide rib cage, so her band measurement is probably 38 inches:

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For the bust, she can be anywhere from D to H. And while she may have large bust for her frame, they look like they’re pretty shallow and don’t stick out as much:

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So I take it she’s either 38G (US)/38F (UK). This puts her in ‘plus size’ category, even though Evie has an athletic build. She just has a really large body frame…kinda like Venus and Serena Williams or so.

I guessed Elise’s a while back (for a ‘friend’, uh-uh, sure…lol) which was harder to do, and it was slightly random, but her rib cage looks smaller so I thought she was at least on a 32 band:

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She seems to almost have the same cup volume as Evie, and her breasts don’t look shallow at all:

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Since we only ever see her wear thick clothing, I think that diminishes her size a bit, so she’s kind of bigger than what her clothes give away. So I still think she’s either a 34D or a 32DDD (US)/32E (UK).

So really, I think she shares almost (but not quite) the same CC’s (cubic centimeters) as Evie, just less shallow and more confined to a smaller body frame.

Then again, this is all wild mass guessing, so don’t take my word for it. But you’re free to make these measurements your head-canon. ;P

– Ezio Auditore