Oh, indeed! But please don’t mind me as I also imagine all of them engage in Turkish Oil Wrestling

….That includes the ladies. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
~ Signora Paola
Oh, indeed! But please don’t mind me as I also imagine all of them engage in Turkish Oil Wrestling
….That includes the ladies. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
~ Signora Paola
I am still remembering that wonderful week, that was all about Arno.
Good ol’ times for Sister Teodora. Good ol’ enjoyable times… <3
-Sister Teodora.
PS: I am not pushing you, but if there’s anything nice you’d present me us, we would absolutely enjoy that!
I recall I made a post addressing this (I can’t find at the moment, apologies!), but to answer your question: If you are submitting a Haystack entry in another language please also send an English translation of it. We will happily publish it in the original language, but we do require an English translation because it is the lingua franca of this bordello.
It is the same thing with confessions actually! It’s just that we definitely can’t use an online translator like Google Translate to translate your Haystack submissions because a lot of things will be lost.
Grazie!
~ Signora Paola
My dearest anon, I can assure that these wonderful voice actors are likely to be entertained by our shenanigans more than anything else. ( ̄ω ̄) But I can understand your tentativeness; I still remember That Week™ when our bordello was revealed and compromised (feels like a long time ago now; can’t believe it was just four months ago). Needless to say, that whole experience made us more resilient when it comes to Assassin detection. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
~ Signora Paola
Edward: He would eat oysters before sex, and give his partner some as well.
Aveline: she would go for chocolate, especially dark chocolate from the Americas.
Adéwalé: Watermelons would help quench his thirst on a hot, tropical day…and also quench his thirst for other things.
Altair: He’d eat and share a fig with his partner.
Shao Jun: Chat tea–she would innocently sip some for breakfast before she gets naughty.
Haytham: Coffee–yep, that morning coffee will sure make him feel energized in more ways than one.
Desmond: Bananas–he’d probably throw some in his lunch box to take to work or to the gym, and then after he’s pumped, he gets even more so during sex.
Arno: He’d have whipped cream on his tongue, and maybe even use it on his partner during sex.
– Ezio Auditore
Let’s see there’s a lot of aphrodisiacs all around the world so I gave each assassin one they would most likely use in their time, their location & gender.
Desmond: Avocados have Vit E that helps the body churn out hormones like testosterone that circulates in your bloodstream and stimulate sexual responses.
Altair: Olive oil is a good source of monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, which are critical for a healthy heart, blood flow and hormone production.
Ezio: Red wine contains resveratrol, an antioxidant that helps boost blood flow and improves circulation before and during intercourse.
Connor: Honey supports testosterone production, which can increase desire and provide an energy boost.
Aveline: Coffee is a stimulant that ups the heart rate and makes the blood flow. It’s also said to put women in the “mood for sex”.
Edward: Oysters are brimming with zinc, a mineral that cranks up the production of testosterone, which has been linked to a higher sex drive.
Adéwalé: Chili Peppers stimulate endorphins (fell good hormones), speed up heart rate and make you sweat.
Shay: Salmon’s packed with omega-3 fatty acids, which keep sex-hormone production at it’s peak. Plus, salmon has a great taste,
Haytham: Pine nuts are loaded with zinc, which is essential for producing testosterone.
Arno: Chocolate contains PEA, which stimulates the same hormone your body releases during sex. It also sparks dopamine production in the brain.
Shao Jun: Ginger’s a powerful circulatory system stimulant that has great impact on women’s blood flow to sexual organs improving stimulation and arousal.
Arbaaz: Nutmeg’s warming properties stimulate sexual appetite while its ability to sweeten breath increased attraction.
Evie: Pomegranates, the seeds of this luscious red fruit improve blood flow and are rumored to increase genital sensitivity.
Jacob: Vanilla’s sweet pod is a mild nerve stimulant, which can enhance sexual sensation.
~Claudia
Oh! So, you’re the anonimo that’s been thirsting after Connor, hmm? I must say, mio caro, those were very intense confessions and it was an honor editing them. I’m very happy you liked my editing and my manip of Connor with whip cream~ It was no big deal, I truly enjoyed doing it.
Connor’s a favorite here in our bordello, so there’s never enough confessions of him,so please, do send in more confessions about him when you have the time, alright?
Take care, amore!
~Claudia
You know, I just might add that and likely cause a headache for our Tag Mistress Claudia ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
~ Signora Paola
*Removes fists from mahogany table*
Ahem, while we do know that Jack the Ripper is a playable character, sadly we can’t include him in our list since he is not an Assassin nor a Templar during the events of the DLC, he is a murderer with no affiliation. We apologize for that.
~Claudia
Just adding my two cents…
The problem with Jack is we never get to know him other than as a murderer. We had a better grasp of who Haytham was despite the fact that we could only play as him in AC3 for a few sequences.
We’re sorry to disappoint you, but even we have our own limits. While we are flattered that people want to know what our headcanons are, nothing’s stopping anyone from making their own. We are definitely not the full authority when it comes to making dirty headcanons. And with a character like Jack where his characterisation is reduced to being a murderer, there’s a lot of guess work to be done if anyone wants to explore who he was before he got insane.
~ Signora Paola
Ayyyy… This is a very GOOD question~
I actually can give you my personal Top 5 right now, but strangely, a quote from Gandalf comes to my mind: “There is only one Lord of the Rings, only one who can bend it to its will. And he does not share power!”
I wonder why.
~ Signora Paola
Yes I’m pretty sure that Jacob set the ‘standard’ straight for this, but I think Gilbert Gottfried would make for a very erotic reading voice….
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
– Ezio Auditore
Grazie de cuore, amore! We’re very glad this blog brings as smile to your face when you see it and that we’re doing a good job!
~Ezio & the Ladies at La Rosa in Fiore