Dirty Reblogs

cjamesfort:

daddyloveshisbread:

assassinscreedconfessions:

I might be a dude of me, but I can’t help thinking if Altair, Ezio, and Connor struggle with shaving down their crotch. Was it a thing back then? Or was it a jungle out there? Did they use their Hidden Blade for the job? I know that Connor’s blade pivots, so that is useful to go around the balls. I bet he likes to keep that smooth.

People who think like this keep the fandom alive.

I can’t remember the last time I laughed at a confession…

I think I know what our next ‘dirty polls’ series should be about. What do you ladies and gentlemen think?

– Rosa

towblerone:

Imagine Connor asks you what you want for your birthday, and your thirsty ass replies with “a big cock”.

Him, being the innocent cinnamon roll baby that he is, misunderstands entirely.

On your birthday, he comes home with a rooster.

“Here is the big cock you requested.”

“…”

“….you don’t like it. Is it not big enough?”

“…… [you are trying to contain your laughter]”

“I am sorry. I searched high and low for the right one. I talked to every man, I looked at every cock in New York-”

[you bust out laughing]

“I do not understand, why is this funny??”

fablesfromthecreed:

Altair – He’s usually a bit erratic, too rough, and is always on top. He tries to bring her to climax but he doesn’t understand the female body. It’s the 12th century and men have yet to discover the clitoris.  He falls into a coarse thrusting pattern and usually loses control too quickly.  Altair is a selfish lover and that’s okay because she thinks he’ll get better with age but for now, he’s young and ruts like a buck. That wouldn’t bother her so much if it wasn’t like that every time. Eventually she suggests something different – a chance to teach him how to make it enjoyable for both of them. She loosens his trousers, straddles his hips, and tells him not to move before pulling the red sash from his waist. She coils it around his wrists and sinks down onto him, pulling a groan from his throat. Altair watches her move up and down slowly, memorizes where she touches herself, and pleads for her to untie his hands so he can try… He starts doing it right after that.

Ezio – Ezio is exactly what she needs.  He pays close attention to climax cues and can expertly navigate his way around her body like it’s something he was born to do.  He easily brings her to orgasm multiple times before its over… And its always helpful that Ezio talks throughout the entire process. Sometimes he’ll praise her, tell her how beautiful she is, or complement her in subtle ways that make her want to smile and kiss him senseless.  Other times, depending on his mood, he’ll talk dirty and explicitly outline every single detail…  It varies of course, but he describes what he feels or sees, he tells her how much he wants her and lets her know exactly what he’s been thinking of doing to her.  Ezio is a man of his word and always makes good on his promises.

Connor – Connor has spent so much time focusing on Charles Lee that he never took the time to pursue a romantic relationship, let alone something physical.  He has been diligent in every part of his life and sex is no exception. He asks a lot of questions about her body during foreplay and he does exactly what he’s told.  He’ll watch her face and try to gauge his skill by the little moans and whimpers pulling from her lungs.  Connor doesn’t get things right the first time but she doesn’t mind since he’s eager to try again. He desires nothing more than to please her and he’s willing to practice as much as he possibly can.  When Connor gains enough confidence, he’s the one who starts telling her what to do.  He’s not exactly dominate but he knows what he likes and finds freedom in sharing his desires with her.  

Edward – Edward comes as a surprise.  She’s seen him fuck whores but with her, it’s entirely different.  He’s slow, careful, and focused.  She thinks it’s because he was married before and he knows how to make love to a woman he respects.  He holds her close and kisses her gently, taking his time exploring every last inch of her body until she feels like she’s the only female left on the face of the earth.  Whatever pace he sets, is the one he keeps, no matter how she begs and no matter slow and torturous it may seem.  Part of him likes the way she pleads with him to speed up so instead of complying, he’ll set his fingers at her clit and keep her on edge all night – util she’s shaking.  Even though he enjoys it, he’s never been about the climax…  The process of sex in itself, has always been Edward’s favorite part.  Once he’s had his fill, he lets her cum and will follow after her a few thrusts later.

nova-dorian:

assassinscreedconfessions:

I don’t trust Connor’s female fans. There’s something about him that everyone seems to want to perv up and it’s really creepy. I’m always hesitant to click on confessions related to him.

that’s right fear us. We’re awfully dangerous 😉

Well anonimo, if you don’t trust Connor’s female fans, then you shouldn’t trust the rest of the assassins’ female fans, either. ;D

assassinscreedconfessions:

Only if it wasn’t for Leonardo’s paintings..Ezio could have been banging with Lucrezia..Banging doors..or…yeah, banging doors.

Perhaps, or another reason why he did not kiss Lucrezia and went further was because he suddenly remembered at that moment, “Ah, she fucked her brother! Disgusting!”

~ Paola

aenseidhe:

I think I see a pattern. Well done Ubisoft