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DACS Greatest Hits
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So it’s now been confirmed that the scene where you found Bob was actually the Levantine Brotherhood. Which means we’re one step closer to Bob possibly turning out to be Altair’s grandaddy.
July 15, 2020
~ Ezio
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Hi! It’s been forever since I last wrote to you guys. I just wanted to say how sad I am at Tumblr being a literal dick and cockblocking you. I really hope this blog survives on here, I have been a patron for about 4 years now? Wow, time flies by. You guys have helped me through some difficult times, and I just want to say thank you for that. I wish you all the best of luck.
July 15, 2020
Grazie mille for your very kind words, @estel619! I’m so happy you haven’t left us; 4 years is more than half of the bordello’s age! I’m actually still a little amazed that DACS has been around since 2013, and is still going on despite all these roadblocks. We really wouldn’t have gotten this far without your support, especially the patrons who have been with us since the very beginning. So, thank you so much… a thousand times thank you. Your encouragement is a source of comfort in these trying times. 💖
Love,
~ Signora Paola
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Hello! 😀 this is not an ask but- may I say, I’ve been trying to search this blog for a long time! And I thought this was deleted or sort because I heard about you from Assassin’s Den Podcast where Paul Amos mentioned about dirtyasscreed (Pretty late to know I listen to this like last year) I figure it’s this blog, and If it is- my god! You’re here! *hugs* All your blogs 😉👌 Amazing! Now I have to read them right now~ Love you all! 💗💖💕💗💗
July 14, 2020
Hello, @missbenzayb! We are still here, but barely hanging on. Tumblr has censored this blog for the time being. We are trying to get @dirtyasscreedsecrets to become visible again. If Tumblr doesn’t approve my appeal, then DACS will be to be moved to our Dreamwidth account.
It is a miracle that this bordello has survived this long. The Great (Porn) Purge of 2019 affected our bordello very much, but we are still hanging on! Thank you for being a wonderful patron! 💖
If you can, be sure to check out our more memorable pages, such as the ‘Porn Star Status’ page for more Paul Amos shenanigans, and my personal favourite, ‘Ezio’s Pene Penne Pasta’. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
(And if you can’t view them, don’t worry. Paola and I will figure out a way to transfer all of these to the DACS Dreamwidth site.)
~ Ezio
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This is not an ask, this is a big thank you to Sister Paola for all her hard work and sheer persistence in maintaining the best AC-themed bordello on Tumblr. Mille grazie!
July 14, 2020
From the bottom of my heart, molte grazie @servalans-flowers! Truth be told, it’s become very challenging to maintain the bordello given the circumstances. I told Ezio that I’ve grown very weary and all my enthusiasm has been drained, thanks mainly to the obstacles that Tumblr keeps throwing at us (we actually have a lot of confessions that were hidden from view because Tumblr deemed them too explicit; I’ve no energy to send an appeal, to be quite honest). The only reason why I’m still here is I don’t want to let you, our patrons, down.
Right now, my mind is all over the place trying to think of solutions to our current predicament. I would really rather relocate elsewhere, but I know most of our patrons are still using Tumblr. We don’t want to force you to pack up your bags with us, so we’re really going to try our best to maintain our presence here. We’re still waiting for Tumblr’s response RE our appeal and our current NSFW status. Worse comes to worst, as Ezio said – we’ll be transferring our main operations to our Dreamwidth blog, with only a text copy of the confessions being posted here. If Tumblr decides in our favour, then we shall stay. For now. Frankly, I foresee that we will be moving entirely. Tumblr is still where fandoms are mostly congregated, but I think it’ll suffer the same fate LiveJournal did.
Ah, I didn’t mean my reply to be so long-winded. Mi dispiace! Again, thank you so much. Your support is what keeps this old lady going. 💖💖💖
Love,
~ Signora Paola
*squints*
Looks like the GIF I used was someone’s modified game. e_e
There you go. It’s fixed.
Courtesy of @masyaf-library
*runs away and hides*
~ Ezio
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My guess is “Bob” might actually be Altair’s grandfather (Umar’s dad). If the timeline checks out, then Valhalla takes place exactly before Umar’s time, according to the dates in AC1 and Ezio’s codexes in AC2.
July 13, 2020Could be. It will explain much about the Vikings obtaining the hidden blades, robes, and all that.
Or ‘Bob’ could just be Blackwall from Dragon Age: Inquisition.
*hides*
~ Ezio
DACS Greatest Hits, Uncategorized
I have a ‘Sweet’ question to ask: What would the weddings of your favourite Assassins or Templars be like?
July 13, 2020Firstly, we want to remind our lovely patrons that while we don’t mind getting non-dirty headcanon requests, we really do prefer getting dirty ones. It’s to keep the theme of our bordello after all! You followed this blog for the dirtiness, yes? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Then we wish to keep most of our content titillating~
[I’m going to answer this with canon pairings in mind, so as to make it convenient and not have to spam with so many pics~]
Maria & Altaïr: They got married in Limassol, Cyprus. They probably did so at the Limassol castle grounds.
Edward: With Caroline? He probably did it in the middle of a pirate battle, with Adéwalé as his officiant, lol. Kinda like Elizabeth and Will Turner’s hasty wedding scene in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I can’t see Edward doing this with Tessa, however (he most likely had a traditional wedding with her).
Unknown woman in Assassin’s Creed: Last Descendants & Shay: Shay would also get married at sea, but not all hasty like Edward. He’d have a Celtic hand-fasting aboard the Morrigan, with Christopher Gist as the officiant. Shay doesn’t care if bringing a woman on board signals bad luck, or if he’s not following ‘proper’ wedding protocols. He makes his own luck. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ziio & Haytham: Longhouse ceremony first. Then they’d have an estate wedding, right in the Kenway Mansion, so as to honor Haytham’s late father (now I’m depressed that Ziio never got to see the Kenway manor).
Unknown indigenous woman in Assassin’s Creed: Reflections & Connor: Connor is too shy to have a big fat wedding. Most likely to have a guest list of 30 people or under. He and his bride would have a Longhouse ceremony first, then do it European-style in the cozy outdoors of the Homestead.
Élise & Arno: They’d have an elopement in the French countryside, away from all the city madness.
Frye twins: Both had a typical Victorian wedding fanfare. Although with Evie and Henry Green, I can see them doing the Indian-style ceremony first before the Victorian-style:
Aya & Bayek: I can see them having a pleasant outdoor wedding, with the Nile River as their backdrop.
Alexios or Kassandra: Big fat Greek wedding, hands down, lol. Most likely outdoors, either on the hillside or at the beach:
Sofia & Ezio: Last but not least…me! I married Sophia in Venice. I had a big, fat, Italian wedding, just like the Greeks, heheh. First, I did La Serenata on Sofia in my minstrel outfit. She had a good laugh or two then gave me delicious food afterwards. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
You can say that my wedding rivaled that of Apollonia and Michael Corleone from The Godfather:
Now, if any of you are getting married in the near future, and have yet to find a DJ or musician for your wedding, then I volunteer as tribute. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
~ Ezio
That Assassin from the Valhalla trailer is so fucking hot. Who is he?! Can I fuck him?! I need to know!
————
There are no conformed sources yet on who this tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious man is. Therefore, I will code name him as ‘Bob’ for the time being. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )
~ Ezio
We got this comment on our Dreamwidth page: “Dacs is sort of cursed but in a good way? I cant get rid of the mental images and see them at the damnedest moments but god, I love them.”
You can just imagine how it is for us, the gatekeepers of this bordello. I’ve edited quite literally thousands of confessions so you could say that I’ve developed a tolerance. It takes a very special kind of confession to…. rouse a reaction from me. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ – ✧)
~ Signora Paola