This is problematic, my dear anon. If Jacob Frye requires nearly 100% of your attention daily, can you even imagine the trouble of trying to shut up his Pene™ voice?
Of course, there is one foolproof way to shut it up~
~ Signora Paola
Jacob stirred restlessly, shifting from one side to the other in his seat. “Yes, it is a VERY NICE DAY TODAY, DON’T YOU THINK?!” he wailed, practically shouting at the end of his statement. Whipping off his hat, he positioned it on top of his lap, and began loudly humming Beethoven’s 9th symphony.
“What’s wrong, Jacob?” she asked, confused by her lover’s erratic behaviour. She looked him up and down, from the thin layer of sweat on his brow to the pained expression he wore, and to the stiff way he was holding himself.
Breifly ceasing to hum, Jacob opened his mouth to announce that he was fine, but before he could utter a single syllable, a high-pitched squeak piped up from uner his hat. “Oh shit,” he muttered, frantically searching the sitting room for a pillow or cushion.
Curious, and concerned, she put a hand on Jacob’s shoulder. “Honey, I’m sure it’s fine… whatever it is.” With her other hand she picked up Jacob’s top hat off his crotch and placed it on the arm of the sofa. Smiling at Jacob’s obvious erection within his pants, she kissed him on the lips.
When the kiss broke off, she undid his pants, and out popped Jacob’s pene. “It’s cold in here!” it shrilled, doing an upright dance. “Warm me up, sweetheart!” it directed this final statement at her, and she nearly fainted.
Holding on to the sofa, she took several deep breaths before looking at it again. It had a teensy tiny top hat. Jacob groaned, and turned red when he saw how intensely she was looking at his pene. She stroked it with her hand, and Jacob’s pene got even more excited. “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff. I get RESULTS, Big Guy, you should try it someday!”
THIS IS PERFECTION. THIS SHOULD WIN NUMEROUS AWARDS. THIS SHOULD BE PLACED IN JACOB FRYE’S BIOGRAPHY.
When people hate on Assassin’s Creed fans for calling it “Ass Creed,” I just shake my head. Um, have you seen those booties? When 90% of the AC characters have fine behinds, there is no reason not to call it “Ass Creed.”
