Our official home here at the Secluded Haystack is still undergoing some upgrades and changes, so do expect some several incomplete pages along the way! Please bear (or should we say, bare 😏) with us as we go through this long but satisfying process ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Grazie mille!
Dear brothers and sisters of the Brotherhood,
It has been over 1 week since I’ve sent my appeal to Tumblergo about being able to have Rosa in Fiore appear in the Tumblr search engine again. I have not received anything back, and I doubt I will anytime soon if others who’ve had their blogs censored are also experiencing the same thing. I am reading from others that they haven’t heard anything back in months. So I doubt that I will get anything back for my appeal anytime soon. It is a shame, since we believe that we are following the new Tumblr guidelines. We haven’t had any NSFW images in our bordello for the a while now since Tumblr announced their new porn policies back in late 2018.
So, it is with a heavy heart that Paola and I must move @dirtyasscreedsecrets to our DreamWidth page. We are trying to figure out the best way to do this. We will have all confessions, before and after the Great (Porn) Purge, available at our DreamWidth page. We will have things like the ‘Ask the Admins’ questions and Dirty Polls available at the Secluded Haystack. And of course, all dirty reader-insert fics will be available at the Secluded Haystack.
We will fix our site navigation to have it link to our DreamWidth page instead. We also encourage everyone from now on to send any questions, comments, and confessions to our DreamWidth page. That will be our permanent base of operations from now on, and the Tumblr page simply as a mirror. So all confessions from now on will be posted there, and all messages we receive will be answered there. We will continue posting whatever is left in our Tumblr queue until our move is complete. However, we will still be present on Tumblr to answer any messages we receive should you have any trouble with our DreamWidth page.
I am sorry for any convenience you may have encountered while visiting our bordello. We are doing our best to stay here for you and support all of you who have supported us these past 7.5 years.
Brotherhoods may come and pass, but the Creed will never pass away.
We work in the Dark to serve the Light.
WE ARE ASSASSINS.
— Ezio
–
To add, I am (still) currently archiving all of the confessions submitted to us from 2013-2018 in a separate account. It’s a very long process; I’m doing this manually. There’s no viable Tumblr to Dreamwidth automated import solution, so the best way to go about it is to painstakingly re-post each entry with the correct dates. The reason why I’m not using our main DW community is simply because DW doesn’t have true backdating capabilities. I can specify the dates, but they will appear as recent in our main page. It’ll be very confusing to browse our community, so I decided to just use a separate account to house all of the confessions submitted to us prior to Tumblr’s Great Porn Purge.
As Ezio stated, we will be using our Secluded Haystack domain to archive our most popular posts, such us the dirty polls and our Ask the Admins posts. It’s to make you, our patrons, be able to easily browse them.
I shall let the queue finish up posting the confessions already lined up before I’ll have all the confessions mirrored here be completely text-only. To be clear: This Tumblr will still be active, but it’ll serve as a mirror site. You will still see confessions, but they will be text-only. Any messages sent to us here will be responded in full in our Dreamwidth Community, with only a simple link posted here to redirect you there. Activities such as new dirty polls and our responses to Ask the Admins prompts will be posted in full in our Dreamwidth Community, with a simple link (again) posted here to redirect you.
To be quite honest with you, I’d rather just leave all together. Not an actual deletion, just let this account be inactive with a simple post saying that we moved. However, we do realise that a lot of you are still using Tumblr and we can’t force you to move to Dreamwidth. So, for the time being, we will keep our presence here.
Molte grazie for your reading! This is not the end of La Rosa in Fiore. We are simply moving on and looking for a better – and friendlier – place to be.
With all my love,
~ Signora Paola
Since I came back to rebuild @dirtyasscreedsecrets from the Great (Porn) Purge of 2019, I have seen a loss in followers. But ever since Tumblergo began censoring us, we’ve gained more instead. What a surprise!
We gained 10+ followers since the start of the censorship!
I guess it goes to show that you can’t stop us, Tumblergo~
Thank to all the new recruits! And please, pardon our dust. We are in the midst of rebuilding the Brotherhood if things get worse (we encourage you to check out our DACS Dreamwidth page for the time being). Nonetheless, we appreciate your support during these troubling times.
Vittoria Agli Assassini!
— Ezio
All right, everyone, it’s
All right, everyone. It’s been a while since there has been much activity around here. What happened?
The ‘Great Purge’ of 2019 happened, that’s what.
The Tumblergo employees didn’t want to have any sexual content on Tumblr anymore. This affected our Brotherhood very much, and sadly, it’s not as active as it used to be. But us admins are still here, working in the shadows to bring the light. Though we may not ever reach our glory days again, we can start anew with something just as unique and cherished.
Right now, it is just me and Paola working to keep this bordello running. But if things get crazy again aka ‘Era of the Fryes’, we will enlist help. For now, we are fine with just a skeleton crew.
Since a lot has changed after the purge, and the following have been changed:
• Reblogging old secrets from years past. We’ve been doing this for a while, but I am now making it an official announcement. It’s nice to go back to dirty old secrets, especially all the crazy food porn ones, haha. It also helps keep the blog active. You can catch them every Thursday under the ‘Throwback Thursday’ tag.
• 50 Shades of Pene is no more. I deleted it because it did not end up being what I expected it to be. It had too little submissions to keep it running. Now that the Secluded Haystack can accept more word counts and multi-chapters, having 50 Shades of Pene is redundant. So I deleted it. All stories are now to be submitted to the Secluded Haystack.
• Secluded Haystack is undergoing a renaissance. No one has submitted anything to the Secluded Haystack since last year. We are still open for submissions, especially now that 50 Shades of Pene is no more. Believe or not, I myself have never submitted anything to the Haystack. Your resident dirty old man has some stories to tell about his dirty travels, so I will be submitting them to the Haystack. You want to know where I’ve been for the past 4 years? I’ve been hiding in Sophia’s bookshop, reading thrillers and honing my own craft, haha..be on the lookout for some Colonial Assassins/Templars and Old!Ezio lovin’ at the Haystack. I am re-submitting my Connor stories. I also have some Shay stories in the works, and perhaps a Haytham one or two. If enough of you show some Daddy love for old Ezio, then I will shower you with my love in return~ I have a thing or two to say to all the baby-girl principesse out there… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
• We are accepting ‘Ask the Admins’ questions again. We stopped answering them for a while because we received so much, we had no time to edit the confessions themselves. But now that things have quieted down, and Paola and I are now dirty old people, we have some stories to tell, haha. I don’t think we’ll be doing it in meme format again. However, we are open to any questions or headcanons you want us to answer about your favourite characters. Just please, make sure to check the ‘Dirty Bits’, ‘Sweet Bits’, and ‘Asks Memes’ sections of the ‘Ask the Admins’ tags to see if your questions have been answered before sending us any! We don’t want any repeats. Thank you!
• ‘Dirty polls’ may also make a comeback. If enough interest picks up after the release of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, then we may do another round of dirty polls. Just bring us your smörgåsbord of thirst come Valhalla time, hahaha….
This is all for now. Thank you for your cooperation!
Stay thirsty,
~ Ezio
To our valued patrons,
First off, I am beyond thrilled that Ezio is back with us! It’s a timely return, too, as I’ve been having ideas on what to do with the bordello, but due to our current pandemic it’s been quite difficult for me to spend quality time here. 😞 I just have enough time to read your confessions and edit them all. With Messere Ezio’s homecoming, we can finally cater to other fun, dirty activities ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
And what better way to start that, than to finally update our Stripper Playlist! Here is the playlist (with their YouTube links):
I especially had fun choosing songs for Kassandra and Alexios because there was the extra challenge of looking for a counterpart that would fit their Deimos persona. 😏
Do you have your own headcanons as to what your favourite Assassin or Templar would strip to? Reblog this post and share it with us!
Love,
~ Signora Paola
Ciao a tutti! It is I, @haythamsenpai, founder of this blog. I have returned at last! I have much to say about rebuilding this lovely Brotherhood (full of dirty secrets) of ours. But before I do, let me take this time to first say some acknowledgements.
Dirty Assassin’s Creed Secrets (or ‘DACS’ for short) started over 7 years ago with just me (as the original ‘Signora Paola’). I did not expect this tiny little brothel to become the madhouse it is today, so I’ve enlisted help along the way. Although they are no longer active mods, they deserve special mention for their contributions to the Brotherhood–
@bis-cvit a.k.a. ‘Sister Teodora’, our ‘Keeper of the 1st Hour’. She has been with me since the very beginning of this blog. She helped the DACS Brotherhood through the best and worst times. Thank you for being a wonderful friend.
And to the rest of the moderation team who have helped me throughout the peak 2015/2016 madness of DACS (the ‘Era of the Fryes’)…all its Sinful Sundays, the Food Porn Fridays, the trashy erotica, all the crazy fun and whatnot:
@megustasermala, @alafairftw, @pharaoh-doll, and @hypatiathelibrarian,
Thank for your help with the fan writings, for helping out with the confessions, for helping me deal with the drama, for being here during the good, bad, and ugly of it all. Thank you for being great friends. I miss you all and appreciate so much everything you’ve done for DACS.
And last but not least, @jiruchan, a.k.a. ‘Signora Paola’, who has done an amazing job taking are of this blog throughout the years, all through the best and the worst. Without her, there wouldn’t be any Secluded Haystack. Without her, this blog would’ve been no more. Thank you for being and awesome friend and great contributor to DACS!
There are many more who have helped throughout the years that are no longer active, but I thank them nonetheless. DACS won’t be what it is today without every one of you.
And of course, our lovely, thirsty followers of this bordello: thank you to all who have contributed to the crazy yet fun times of our 2015/2016 peak activity. Thank you for those who have been around since the beginning and continue to stick around. Thank you for those who are new, for your enthusiasm and love for our community. Thank you to each and every one of you for your continued support. May the Father of Thirst Guide You. And remember: Nothing is True; Every Dirty Little Secret is Permitted.
Con affetto,
~ Ezio
Send in some loving to arguably the most famous Assassin of them all: Ezio Auditore! His birthday is on June 24 so make sure you send in your birthday confessions now!
Send in some loving to arguably the most famous Assassin of them all: Ezio Auditore! His birthday is on June 24 so make sure you send in your birthday confessions now!
Send in some loving to the exceptional lady that showed us that true Assassins are masters of disguise: Aveline de Grandpré! Her birthday is on June 20 so make sure you send in your birthday confessions now!
To our valued (and dearest) patrons,
I’ve been doing some little housekeeping in our bordello and I believe it is time to update you with our confession count. The last time we had this was 2 – yes, two years ago! Well, since our last update, let’s see how the rankings have changed, shall we?
I’ve only included playable characters (with the exception of Crawford Starrick since he’s quite popular). If you want to know the confession count of a character not named here, please do send us a message!
I’ve also updated our Porn Star Status tag. To anyone who’s new to our bordello, it’s basically our “Greatest Hits” tag or the confessions that garnered 69+ notes 😉 Take a look if your favourite (or your own) confession is there!
I will also take this time to start restoring the posts that have been flagged by Tumblr. Since the main issue seems to be the images we used, then I think the best way to go about it is to simply blur the images and have them linked elsewhere. It’s a pain, but… ¯_(ツ)_/¯ It needs to be done!
Grazie for reading!
~ Signora Paola