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long post

Miscellaneous

I’m gonna pass my very final exams in a few days… I was wondering if my sweet Edward could cheer me up a bit ? Thank you all, ladies ! (And Ezio !) You’re fantastic !

May 29, 2016

Sweet Edward, you say?

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Now, Edward, do tell us how you’d motivate and encourage our anon to do great on their finals–

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Sooooo…. pass the exams and they get the pirate booty?

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And those golden Assassin jewels?

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……Then they could eat their favourite dessert off your body?

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Right after they remove that dashing suit from you, I see. Thank you, Edward!

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Good luck on your finals, dear anon! May Edward and the song of the booty guide you!

~ From all of us at La Rosa in Fiore

DACS Greatest Hits

May 27, 2016

We really apologise for the tardiness of this response. We’ve got so many to answer that it’s frankly tough to get through them all! ;A; We decided to pick a group of characters and split them between us, just to not make it repetitive. And, as a quick reminder, this is for the playable characters only!


Haytham: I honestly think his first time ever was with Ziio, and it was very nice, slow and sweet. I think his first time would be one of those rare times where he’s very vulnerable instead of the sassy, suave, evil!Bond-like Templar we know him to be. 😛 Just imagining him doing it for the first time with Ziio makes me wanna cry tbh. If someone can write a sweet erotica to this, that would be great…

Connor: Ah yes our sacrificial virgin. >:D Now he’d fumble his first time and would ask his partner a lot during sex for some guidance, lol. I always imagine his first time to be with someone more experienced, and the experienced person having their way with him a little too much (rope darts to be included in the session). ;P

Ezio: Uhh…alright…MY first time….was..with……ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
I think it was with Cristina Vespucci? I try very hard not to remember any memories of her–I don’t think my first time was even that great.

– Signore Ezio


Aveline: It’s sad that we don’t know who she married because I think that would be her first time although she probably fooled around for a bit with, say, Gérald (no penetration though) and maybe even Patience. ;D

Edward: I think his first time was with Caroline and during their wedding night to boot. I think it would be very sweet but a little awkward because they’re both virgins. And I can totally see Edward finishing way faster than he wanted, so he’d try to make it up to her by pleasing her in other… ways. ;D

Adéwalé: Likely during the time he escaped and joined the pirates. I can imagine the pirates bringing him to a brothel and paying for him to spend the night as part of his “initiation.” He’d be really nervous and likely charmed the, well, panties off the lady assigned to him when he offered to “service” her instead.

Shay: He likely lost his virginity early, maybe when he was around 15, with an older and experienced woman. Maybe it was a woman separated from her husband he met in a tavern who wanted to have a taste of a young inexperienced fellow. The woman probably wanted to have her ego boosted due to her separation and Shay was very much willing to do the part. He’d be very willing to let her take the lead.

Shao Jun: I can imagine her first time as part of her “training” as a concubine although it’s most likely not with another man, but with an experienced (and likely older) woman in the harem. I have this headcanon that when she joined the Assassins she was likely celibate for several years, so considering that she never had sexual relations with the Emperor it probably took her a while for her to use what she learned.

Evie: I think she’d be so nervous about it. A lady like her that’s so self-controlled would probably have a hard time letting go during intimate moments and she has to be coaxed by a gentle lover who has much patience (lucky for her Henry certainly fits the bill ;D). I think her first time would have her crying, too, because she’d get so overwhelmed by the emotions.

Jacob: Despite his reputation as the wild scoundrel I think his first time would be rather nerve-wracking for him. Yes, pretty much like Evie he’d be nervous, but he’d bury it under so much false bravado. He’d pretend that it’s not his first time, for instance. His face would be all bragging and smug, but his actions are a whole different matter. I can see his hands shaking and certain nervous ticks (like chewing his bottom lip and his eyes blinking faster and more often) would be really obvious.

~ Signora Paola


Desmond: Probably sometime after he left the Assassin compound and began traveling around, he met a girl on the road and she was his first. Both of them were nervous, since they weren’t sure of what they were doing, but Desmond took the initiative and made sure to give his girl a very good time. Lots of giggles, sweet kisses and reassuring smiles, that’s how it went.

Altair: I assume his first time was with Adha. Both became close friends and eventually their attraction couldn’t be denied. I believe it was her that seduced Altair into his first night with someone. She danced for him and he couldn’t contain himself with her. They lay down and began exploring and teasing each other bodies, discovering what the other liked.

Arno: I have a feeling Élise was his first and that it was a very romantic session at that. They both planned it so they could have a trip together, without no one to bother them. Arno would take the reins making sure she was satisfied before his found his own release. He would also whisper reassuring things to her, because he’s a sweetheart and she deserves that.

Arbaaz: He looks like he has much confidence, but probably got very nervous his first time, that I like to think was with Pyara. He probably seduced her and then, when the time came, got all nervous, only to be assured by her that he was doing it very well. His hands would tremble at touching her skin, but his actions get bolder as she reacts to his touches and kisses.

~Claudia


Oh my gosh, I think I disagree with my fellows. Unsurprising, given my “secret” Templar sympathies…

Desmond: I think that he lost his V quickly after escaping the farm, possibly with the first willing girl who wanted to take him for a ride. I expect she taught him quite a bit before they parted ways.

Arno: In this I actually concur with my fellows. Arno’s world was Elise, and I suspect until well after his death, there were no others.

Haytham: Given his travels and his upbringing, I suspect Haytham lost his virginity to a paid professional. Love was never really something he had in his life after his father died and his mother became distant. Until he met Ziio, I don’t think he saw women really as people because he’d never really known any strong, independent women.

Shay: I think Shay lost his virginity well before he became an Assassin. He grew up on the docks, which meant he had access to lots of booty, and I don’t mean the treasure sort. Given how adorable he is, I think he probably didn’t have to pay, though his first tryst was likely, again, with someone who shared her favours freely.

Aveline: I honestly think Aveline likely didn’t lose her virginity until she was in a long-term, stable relationship. In playing Liberation, she was very married to her work as an assassin, and never had time for romance and other sorts of pursuits. But I think romance would be important to her – there’s no ‘scratching the itch’ for Aveline.

Adewale: As a sailor and a gorgeous, strapping ebony god, I think Adewale had a harem in every port of call. But I think his first time likely happened while he was still a slave, and perhaps not entirely sought after.

Jacob: He was drunk and probably doesn’t really remember his first time. He just woke up beside her in a pool of vomit.

Evie: Wedding night with Henry.

Ezio: With the first girl he was able to charm with a cheesy pick-up line.

I’m afraid I don’t know Altair well enough to have an opinion.

~Rosa

Miscellaneous

Hey today was the last day of High school for me and I was wondering if you wonderful ladies and gentleman would help me celebrate it by throwing a little sexy assassins party? Everyone’s invited! :D

May 22, 2016

LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL, YOU SAY? EVERYBODY, LET’S SING YATTA

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But if you would rather have them do a song and dance number

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CALL 1-800-ASSASSINO AND YOU MIGHT JUST GET AN EZIO SPECIAL

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(Don’t forget to reblog the sauce)

And speaking of sexy Assassins, who else thinks that the only ‘partying’ they’ll be doing is dancing in towels?

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who the fuck asked for charles lee

Just remember to bring an umbrella just in case you get wet from that towel dancing

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LET’S PARTY HARD Y’ALL

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And congratulations to finishing high school! May the Assassins (and Templars) guide you into this new chapter of your life.

(Seriously, follow @brotherhoot if you haven’t already. MAY HER GIFS GUIDE YOU TO COLLEGE)

~ ♥ From all of us at La Rosa in Fiore

Secluded Haystack

Uuuummmmm I’m going to Hell from this but I’m currently writing a drabble about pene penne pasta (and I’m sure you know who I’m talking about (✧ ͜ʖ✧)) to the Haystack and dear God after 349 words I ran out of inspiration. Is there any chance I would get some inspiration or sexy GIFs from you lovely ladies? Anything at all which could help me. PS. Have some lovely hugs because you’re like family to me right now >_<

May 13, 2016
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Here you go.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

– Ezio Auditore

DACS Greatest Hits

Hey ! I don’t know if it’s a dirty or no headcanon, but to your mind, what is the first things they (assassins + templars) do after making love ? Thanks ! :)

May 12, 2016

Now this is a very sweet question! We hope our answers please you, amore!


Desmond: Talk about random things. I don’t know, I see him as someone who would randomly talk to you about, say, alternate universes while he’s still in that orgasmic high I’m definitely not talking about my personal experience ok

Altaïr: Simply basking in that afterglow. No words. He’d look deep into your eyes and hold you close.

Ezio: He’d prepare a hot tub so you two can soak into that warm water and let it soothe your overtaxed muscles ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Connor: Cuddle then maybe talk about what happened during the day. But mostly cuddling. I don’t think he’d want to let go of you even if you’re all sticky with sweat.

Aveline: I think she’s the type who would giggle a lot and be really affectionate, like kissing you all over and her vocabulary being reduced to endearments.

Edward: Take a shower together. THEN do it again. Ayyyy 8D

Adéwalé: He’d offer to give you a nice rub down. Not exactly a massage, but the very act of wiping off extra fluids and making sure you’re clean and dry is something that I could see him enjoying.

Shay: He’d hug you close and hum something, watching as you slowly drift off. I think he’s the type who enjoys watching his lover sleep.

Haytham: I think he’s the type who would take a power nap (like a cat mwahaha) after. Of course there’s cuddling, but he won’t do much for, like, 10-20 minutes. Watch out when he wakes up all rejuvenated though, nyahaha.

Arno: Like Edward he’d ask you to take a shower together, but it’s more of a bonding process (because he loves the connection of having someone shampoo his hair and basically pamper him).

Shao Jun: Offer to give you a massage, especially if you get a few mishaps like a cramped leg. I see her as having really adventurous ideas on sex positions so a cramp is inevitable. XD

Arbaaz: After you’ve rested significantly I think he’s the type who would ask you to come help him make a quick snack. And hey, all that replenished energy might lead to round 2. 8D

Evie: Discuss about future plans. Now I know this sounds boring, but I think she’d want to know about what you want to do, your dreams and your future together. Like I can see her asking, “What kind of house do you think would be great for us?”

Jacob: This answer is for a modern Jacob, but… take a selfie. I don’t think he’s the type who’d gloat about it openly, though. In fact, he’d be very possessive and would fiercely guard your privacy. (Otherwise, I think he’s the type who’d go “Oh, that was splendid. Gimme a couple of minutes then let’s have another go 8D~”)

~ Signora Paola


Desmond: Considering he has a thing for photography, he would probably take a selfie with you, the both of you radiant and happy. And he would then take other pictures with the both of you doing silly faces, because why not?

Altair: I think he would be ready for a nap right after your done. He holds you close and both of you drift happily… He might then wake you up with a surprise!

Ezio: He would spoon you, holding you close and whispering lovely things to your ears, because you mean the world to him.

Connor: He wouldn’t stop touching you at all. He would run his hands over your body, as if trying to memorize it. All that touching would most likely get you both ready to do it again.

Aveline: She would pull out some old movies both of you like and watch them with you. You two would laugh, and smile knowing your together.

Edward: The type of person that would get something to drink after done. Maybe some beers or something more fancy. You two would sit there and talk while enjoying each other’s company.

Adéwalé: He would discuss the future of both of you, reassuring his love for you with tender kisses and touches.

Shay: I feel like he would start saying really cheesy jokes/puns, and make funny faces to make you laugh and smile, because sex doesn’t have to be all serious, specially with him.

Haytham: Probably bask in the afterglow of lovemaking, holding you close, hearing each other’s breathing and simply letting each other’s presence relax you.

Arno: I don’t know why, but I feel like he would sing to you softly, in French of course. Maybe some romantic songs or simply hum sweet tunes to help you fall asleep.

Shao Jun: Both of you would simply reconnect with each other. Talking, touching, kissing and looking at each other. It would be a very spiritual, intimate experience too.

Arbaaz: Would probably have snacks close to bed (because food and sex match) and once both of you are done he would offer you some. Maybe some chocolates, candies and such.

Evie: She would run a bath for both of you and then, once there the two of your would bathe each other, which can lead to… other activities.

Jacob: The type that would whisper and comment about how good this session was. He would compliment you, and remark on something you did this time… and then he would seduce you to do it again!

~Claudia

DACS Greatest Hits

I’m dying to know… what kind of drunks are our assassins? Some I can imagine being loud, others are touchy-feely ‘omg I love you’ and the rest can’t handle themselves at all.

May 12, 2016

Connor: he would do a drunk phone call like in this video link. And he’d probably look like this, too

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Edward: yeah I don’t think he can handle himself at all lol he’d be all like–

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Haytham: can probably handle himself a lot better than his dad lol like the sassy don that he is like–

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Altair: would be a raging drunk like

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Probably be yelling “I’M NOT A NOVICE” all throughout the streets of Damascus while drunk, lol

Desmond: can probably handle himself but gets wasted on purpose, like a drunk college party animal

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Aveline: Is more of a social drinker and is more likely to get tipsy than drunk

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Shao Jun: she would be very discreet about it but get all bubbly and giggly underneath all that pretense

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Ezio: I would look like I belong on the Jersey Shore cast while drunk–

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– Ezio Auditore


Adéwalé would get all argumentative and would be all ready to fight

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Shay would be making silly faces all night long and would even attempt to impersonate everyone (he does a terrible impression of Haytham tho ssshhh don’t tell him)

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Arno would get all sad and weepy and basically being all emotional, thanking each person for being nice to him and asking them for a hug

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Arbaaz would try to stay up and awake but nope. He’s pretty much wasted

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Evie would transform into a HUGE chatterbox. Like once her mouth opens there’s no filtering it. Idk which is juicier – her divulging how she and Henry read and follow the Kama Sutra or That One Time Jacob Ran Away From His Room All Naked And Shrieking Like A Banshee™ because he saw a spider on his forehead when he woke up

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Jacob… don’t even leave him alone. Ever. Not even for five minutes. Just don’t. Unless you want a massive destruction that would register a 10 on the Torino Scale

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~ Signora Paola

DACS Greatest Hits

May 10, 2016

I looked for a dog breed that could be compatible to the character’s own personality (but I think they could all get along well with the breeds I mentioned) 😀 And I couldn’t resist – I have to use GIFs!

(more under the cut–warning: this is a super long post!)

Desmond: Golden Retriever – reliable, friendly, kind, confident, trustworthy

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Altaïr: Doberman Pinscher – alert, loyal, energetic, fearless, intelligent

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10/10 for that porkour

Ezio: Dachshund – lively, playful, devoted, clever, stubborn, courageous

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Connor: Great Dane – devoted, reserved, gentle, friendly, confident, loving

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So gentle to smaller creatures like Connor *sniff*

Aveline: French Bulldog – lively, playful, athletic, alert, easygoing, sociable

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Edward: Shiba Inu – charming, alert, faithful, confident, keen, fearless

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Now imagine Edward saying that

Adéwalé: Borzoi – athletic, gentle, quiet, respectful, intelligent, independent

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Shay: Siberian Husky – outgoing, alert, gentle, friendly, intelligent

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Haytham: Greyhound – even-tempered, athletic, gentle, quiet, intelligent

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And afraid of cats

Arno: Basset Hound – devoted, gentle, tenacious, friendly, sweet-tempered

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Shao Jun: Samoyed – lively, playful, alert, friendly, stubborn, sociable

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Arbaaz: German Shepherd – Watchful, alert, curious, confident, courageous

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Evie: Border Collie – alert, energetic, tenacious, responsive, intelligent

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Jacob: Pembroke Welsh Corgi – outgoing, playful, bold, protective, tenacious

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Now imagine all of them taking their dogs in a dog park. Or maybe they have their own Doggie Play Dates. Imagine the utter mayhem, holy shit. I think Jacob’s Corgi and Ezio’s Doxie would be the biggest troublemakers (something about those short legs).

Grazie for sending this ask! ♥

~ Signora Paola (who loves dogs way too much)


You’ll see I love big dogs… So, here they are!

Desmond: Pitbull – strong, intimidating, yet sweet. I can’t help but imagine him owning one and being super attentive of it, I mean look at that face!

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Altair: Saluki – independent and aloof; gentle and affectionate;

may seem reserved to strangers. Altair would take him for his morning jog always, then give him a nice treat.

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Ezio: Dalmatian – strong, energetic and curious. Ezio would use him to win ladies in the dog park for sure and would train him to do all sort of tricks. Who doesn’t love Dalmatians?

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Connor: Alaskan Malamute

Independence, resourcefulness, high intelligence. When Connor goes out camping/hiking, because he does, his faithful dog goes too. 

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Aveline: Komondor

it is calm and steady when things are normal, but defensive when needed. Just imagine Aveline walking this cutie thing! She would love to bath and play with it.

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Edward: Welsh Terrier

it is a happy, lively, and seldom shy or timid. Can have an attitude. Edward would so play with this dog till both of them were exhausted. Maybe so trips to the beach too.

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Adéwalé: Dachshund

Dachshunds are playful, but can be quite stubborn; great determination and ferocity. Adé little friend likes to put his head on his master’s lap while he reads.

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Shay: Irish Setter – active,

excellent companion & enthusiastic. Shay’s friend loves to go sailing with his master! Loves to get wet and sometimes drives Shay crazy!

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Haytham: Beagle – Intelligent

and determined. This dog would surely bring a smile to Haytham’s face as he approaches him with a toy to play.

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Arno: Papillon – symbol of fidelity and loyalty. Friendly and adventurous dog! Would go crazy each time Arno came home, jumping with happiness! And it would sleep in Arno’s bed too.

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Shao Jun: Akita

strong, independent

and calm. Sweet thing loves Shao Jun andplays with her all day if he can. It adores the treats she buys too!

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Arbaaz: Bull Terrier

independent and stubborn; courageous and  full of spirit. A gift from an English friend, Arbaaz really came to love this furry thing. He takes him for walks and plays with him too.

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Evie: English Cocker Spaniel – compassionate, determined, kind, intelligent, athletic, alert and resilient. While she reads and plays the piano,it would remain at Evie’s feet simply relaxing in it’s master’s presence.

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Jacob: Boxer

bright, energetic and playful;

slight reputation of being “headstrong”. Would go insane each time Jacob says “Playtime”. Insane. It would jump over him and tackle him just to keep him there.

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This is so I should go now and pet and play with my own doggie!

~Claudia


Connor: He’d own a Wolf-dog–kind of like the ‘Liger’ (made famous by Napoleon Dynamite, aha), the wolf-dog is a cross-breed between a Wolf, and a dog that whose heritage is close to wolves–for example, an Alaskan Malamute bred with an Arctic Wolf. An interesting thing to note is that wolves are actually very shy and timid animals by nature. Wolf crosses tend to retain this trait. They bond very strongly to their first owner, but are quite often shy of strangers. However, they are very outgoing and boisterous around pack members (including their human family). These both provide their own set of problems and requirements.

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If I ever owned a wolf-dog, I will certainly name it ‘Ratonhnhaké:ton’, as I think it’s very fitting and Connor tends to have these kinds of traits present in his character.

Shao Jun: the Shih Tzu–its royal heritage is something Shao Jun looks like she would own, given her own regal days in court.

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Aveline: the Louisiana Catahoula Leopard Dog–highly intelligent and energetic. Assertive but not overly aggressive; very even tempered.

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Adéwalé: Royal Bahamian Potcake–cautious, loyal, intelligent and laid-back.

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Elise: She’d own a poodle–frivolous looking but is actually quite intelligent, energetic and sociable. One of the most intelligent dog breeds and highly obedient. Warm and personable disposition.

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Haytham: He’d go for a Rottweiler–very devoted, obedient, and eager to work. They are confident, steady and fearless.

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Altaïr: A Saluki–aloof, but even-tempered and extremely loyal. Quiet dignity and independence.

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Edward: He’d own a Welsh Hillman–an ancient Welsh breed. Fast and fearless; precious with a proud legacy. A rarity that sadly went extinct in the 90s.

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Shay: Canadian Inuit Dog (qimmiq)–Loyal, alert, intelligent, independent, willful, mischievous, tough, brave, affectionate, gentle. It’s one of North America’s oldest and rarest remaining purebred dogs. Once a crown jewel of Canada, its kind is sadly in decline like the Welsh hillman (This is a shameless plug, but one worthy of a signal boost: please help save these majestic creatures; they are an important part of Canada’s heritage!)

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Ezio: I’d love to have a Volpino Italiano–they haven been known and loved by Italian nobility for centuries. They are spirited, lively, affectionate, playful, sociable, intelligent, loyal, and dedicated.

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– Ezio Auditore

Miscellaneous

Hey ladies (and gentleman), my girlfriend and I just broke up so I was wondering if you could maybe post a few cute/funny/smutty assassin pics? Thank you x

May 5, 2016

Sure thing

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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– Ezio Auditore


Let the Assassins strut their way to your room and tell you that the only Hot Stuff they’re looking for is you~

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Then let Connor prepare you a warm cup of coffee in the morning while he shows off his barista skills~

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(Video here)

And speaking of dancing…

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The Jacob Triplets is always ready to give their special dance number. Or if you’d rather have something less strenuous Jacob enjoins you to play a game of “Resist The Urge To Squish My Cheeks”~

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~ Signora Paola (I could honestly add more but my internet connection is having its own Throwback Thursday and is doing a marvellous impression of a dial-up modem right now, so I hope these would suffice, my friend ♥)

Miscellaneous

I feel so out of place on this confession blog. I keep seeing this swanky, saucy fantasies and I’m just over here like “IMMA GET ME A BARREL OF LUBE AND FUCKIN’ GANG BANG ALL THOSE BOYS MMMMM GOOD SHIT GOOD TIME”

May 4, 2016

[Anon r u my friend in real life because you sound like someone I know way back in high school who would say those exact same words, OMG]

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Sometimes I feel that way, too. Some days I just wanna do a Sinday Sunday confession where IMMA GO GET ME SUM FAT-AZZ SAUSAGES UP IN DIS BIZ AND HAVE A GOOD TIME, MMMHMMMMM YEA LICK IT GOOD GURL, YEA TWERK ON IT GURL TWERK IIIIITTT OUUUTTTT

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(I have a current admin confessional in the works about hot dogs…La Festa Italiana is to blame)