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This is not an ask, this is a big thank you to Sister Paola for all her hard work and sheer persistence in maintaining the best AC-themed bordello on Tumblr. Mille grazie!

July 14, 2020
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From the bottom of my heart, molte grazie @servalans-flowers! Truth be told, it’s become very challenging to maintain the bordello given the circumstances. I told Ezio that I’ve grown very weary and all my enthusiasm has been drained, thanks mainly to the obstacles that Tumblr keeps throwing at us (we actually have a lot of confessions that were hidden from view because Tumblr deemed them too explicit; I’ve no energy to send an appeal, to be quite honest). The only reason why I’m still here is I don’t want to let you, our patrons, down.

Right now, my mind is all over the place trying to think of solutions to our current predicament. I would really rather relocate elsewhere, but I know most of our patrons are still using Tumblr. We don’t want to force you to pack up your bags with us, so we’re really going to try our best to maintain our presence here. We’re still waiting for Tumblr’s response RE our appeal and our current NSFW status. Worse comes to worst, as Ezio said – we’ll be transferring our main operations to our Dreamwidth blog, with only a text copy of the confessions being posted here. If Tumblr decides in our favour, then we shall stay. For now. Frankly, I foresee that we will be moving entirely. Tumblr is still where fandoms are mostly congregated, but I think it’ll suffer the same fate LiveJournal did.

Ah, I didn’t mean my reply to be so long-winded. Mi dispiace! Again, thank you so much. Your support is what keeps this old lady going. 💖💖💖

Love,
~ Signora Paola

DACS Greatest Hits, Uncategorized

I have a ‘Sweet’ question to ask: What would the weddings of your favourite Assassins or Templars be like?

July 13, 2020

Firstly, we want to remind our lovely patrons that while we don’t mind getting non-dirty headcanon requests, we really do prefer getting dirty ones. It’s to keep the theme of our bordello after all! You followed this blog for the dirtiness, yes?  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Then we wish to keep most of our content titillating~

[I’m going to answer this with canon pairings in mind, so as to make it convenient and not have to spam with so many pics~]

Maria & Altaïr: They got married in Limassol, Cyprus. They probably did so at the Limassol castle grounds.

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Edward: With Caroline? He probably did it in the middle of a pirate battle, with Adéwalé as his officiant, lol. Kinda like Elizabeth and Will Turner’s hasty wedding scene in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I can’t see Edward doing this with Tessa, however (he most likely had a traditional wedding with her).

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Unknown woman in Assassin’s Creed: Last Descendants & Shay: Shay would also get married at sea, but not all hasty like Edward. He’d have a Celtic hand-fasting aboard the Morrigan, with Christopher Gist as the officiant. Shay doesn’t care if bringing a woman on board signals bad luck, or if he’s not following ‘proper’ wedding protocols. He makes his own luck. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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Ziio & Haytham: Longhouse ceremony first. Then they’d have an estate wedding, right in the Kenway Mansion, so as to honor Haytham’s late father (now I’m depressed that Ziio never got to see the Kenway manor).

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Unknown indigenous woman in Assassin’s Creed: Reflections & Connor: Connor is too shy to have a big fat wedding. Most likely to have a guest list of 30 people or under. He and his bride would have a Longhouse ceremony first, then do it European-style in the cozy outdoors of the Homestead.

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Élise & Arno: They’d have an elopement in the French countryside, away from all the city madness.

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Frye twins: Both had a typical Victorian wedding fanfare. Although with Evie and Henry Green, I can see them doing the Indian-style ceremony first before the Victorian-style:

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Aya & Bayek: I can see them having a pleasant outdoor wedding, with the Nile River as their backdrop.

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Alexios or Kassandra: Big fat Greek wedding, hands down, lol. Most likely outdoors, either on the hillside or at the beach:

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Sofia & Ezio: Last but not least…me! I married Sophia in Venice. I had a big, fat, Italian wedding, just like the Greeks, heheh. First, I did La Serenata on Sofia in my minstrel outfit. She had a good laugh or two then gave me delicious food afterwards. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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You can say that my wedding rivaled that of Apollonia and Michael Corleone from The Godfather:

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Now, if any of you are getting married in the near future, and have yet to find a DJ or musician for your wedding, then I volunteer as tribute.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

~ Ezio

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July 10, 2020

We got this comment on our Dreamwidth page: “Dacs is sort of cursed but in a good way? I cant get rid of the mental images and see them at the damnedest moments but god, I love them.”

You can just imagine how it is for us, the gatekeepers of this bordello. I’ve edited quite literally thousands of confessions so you could say that I’ve developed a tolerance. It takes a very special kind of confession to…. rouse a reaction from me. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ – ✧)

~ Signora Paola

DACS Greatest Hits, Uncategorized

(Not a confession) What if Ubisoft created a line of Assassin’s Creed inspired sex toys, what do you think they would be?

July 10, 2020

It has to be inspired by the Hidden Blade or else what’s the point, right? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I’m thinking something that you can easily hide and bring with you anywhere. A toy that can be disguised as something else~

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A lipstick vibe that you can easily place in your purse  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) No one except ones gifted with Eagle Vision would really know what it is. To the regular person, it just looks like a regular lipstick. But every Assassin (and Templar) worth their salt would know immediately what it is. Imagine your favourite Assassin or Templar catching a glimpse of this in your purse. Can you imagine what they’d do to you? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I know my answer isn’t too adventurous, but I’m fairly certain Messere Ezio has a lot of things to say. 😏

~ Signora Paola

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WeEEeeEeeLL, I have a lots of toys in mind~  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [Paola’s note: I linked the more explicit ones outside Tumblr. I really don’t want this fun post to get flagged by the Tumblr overlords]

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— A DD/lg-themed BDSM kit to be used by all the Daddies of Understanding and the Daddies of the dirty ol’ Brotherhood for their baby-girls *cough*ME*cough*  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

— A strap-on dildo with the models of your fav Assassin/Templar pene, for those dirty assassinos and Templars who need a good peggin’ or two. On the same note…

— A whole trunk full of dildos for sale, all modeled after all these hung men of the AC franchise. Kinda like what Rammstein did years ago, hahahaha~ Now you can guess who is the most hung and bara of them all.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which brings me to my next answer…

— A chess board with dildos as the pieces, for our classiest Assassins and Templars. This is how they’d pass the time… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which brings me to…

— 24k Gold vibrator, for the richest of the rich. Who is the richest Assassin or Templar? I like to think I am, but I think Edward has me beat thanks to his piracy. This is treasure that he steals and keeps for himself. PIRATE BOOTY

Or it looks like something that Élise would keep in her boudoir. She’d host a sex toy sales party, and this is what she’d sell to her guests, huehuehue. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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— Pet play kit branded with Connor’s and Shay’s names. I see them being secretly into this, if they’re playing with their more submissive side (although I can see them being Primal Hunters as well, Shay even more so. He gives a new dirty meaning to his ‘Assassin Hunter’ title, huehuehue~). Include these with Primal play. Yes. The Hunter becomes the hunted. Let the Huntress take you. The Wolf gets devoured by the Lion/Lioness. Do you hear the calling of the Wild? The hunt is near. The Predator seeks their Prey. Unleash the beast within. Mwehuehuehue, si, si, si~  ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ

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— Standard BDSM kit, but with class, made by and for the the classiest Dommes of the AC franchise. Evie would take this with her everywhere in London with a get-up similar to Irene Adler’s ‘The Woman’ dominatrix persona from BBC’s Sherlock:

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Si, Mistress Frye, siiiiiiiii~

— Ezio ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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June 19, 2020

‘My birthday is coming up (June 19) and I would love to have an orgy with Mary Read, Evie, Kassandra, Lucy Thorne, Aya, Cleopatra, and Aveline.’

(Original Dreamwidth post)

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Buon compleanno from all of us here at La Rosa in Fiore, dearest confessor!

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June 15, 2020

Hello. Again this is not a confession. I just decided to share every AC guy by Greeneyedwolfking for you, thirsty ladies/gentlemen 😉 Eivor is a snack, what do you think? 🙂    Next assassin should arrive next month. I think it will be Ezio 😉

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This may not be a confession, but I sure hope it’ll inspire people to confess~

Grazie mille for sharing! The artist’s Twitter page is right here if our patrons want to see more!

Uncategorized

May 15, 2020

‘May 15th is my birthday I honestly just want to have dinner with all of them then have them fight on who gets to take me to bed for birthday sex….let’s be honest it’d be hard to choose so I’d have to test out all of them 😉😈’

(Original Dreamwidth post)

From all of us here at La Rosa in Fiore, happy birthday dearest confessor!

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May 6, 2020

‘I’ll be turning nineteen soon, so this a virgin’s blasphemy considering the bottom energy that radiates from a one Connor Kenway. A present I’d be most eager to accept is that hunk of a man popping my cherry on top of me. His lovemaking would be on another level, I bet he’d be so amused to take the virginity of this horny, short Latina. Gripping his arm muscles and filling my gaze with his loving eyes as he makes me come, quickly losing count of my orgasms. Having his own noises tamed just to hear my moans and cries of pleasure. Only having his stamina soaring more and more at how many times I’ve pleaded his name. Without even thinking he starts to plant bites on my neck. Marks on his prey, reminders of the evening; his animalism breaks through in those moments. He starts to pound me shortly after hearing my shocked but still pleased whimpers when placing the love bites onto me.

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‘Connor grunts and growls when my own volume increases with his roughness. I know I’m nearing my best orgasm. I affirm Connor’s shift by instructing him to go faster and that I am so close. He puts his head beside mine in the pillow to brace himself for what he is going to bring to both of our bodies. My desire is granted and the bed sounds like it would snap; I feel his flesh scrape beneath my nails as they travel up to his shoulder blades. Just minutes of his abrupt travels in and out of my core send me over the edge. I start to beg in Connor’s ear, “Co-Connor – *fuck* I’m close, just a little longer now please…” He looks breathless just as much as I when our eyes meet again. His loving gaze still intact while nodding, “It’s not a chore for me to please you, my love – I’ll give you all the time you want.” He digs his lips into mine for a sensual, gentle kiss. I don’t need to even tell him to revert back to Phase 1 Gentle Sex to keep my body burning in euphoria.

‘Moments later he crashes next to me on the bed and finishes cleaning me up with a wet rag. I am able to feel his fluster at the mess he made of me when I don’t have the energy to pull my head up. Our eyes lock and, chests heaving, he breathes out, “Happy birthday.” His arms pull my body into his chest for cuddles. “*gasp* I hope this doesn’t only happen once a year…” A peck on the top of my head is his approval, both of us still out of breath. Oh god universe, I’ll forgive the nineteen years worth of bullshit you’ve tossed my way for that night.’

Confession [@generousauthorpersonathlete]

(Original Dreamwidth post)

Happy birthday from all of us here at La Rosa in Fiore, dearest!