Ezio Auditore da La La La

Firstly, we want to remind our lovely patrons that while we don’t mind getting non-dirty headcanon requests, we really do prefer getting dirty ones. It’s to keep the theme of our bordello after all! You followed this blog for the dirtiness, yes?  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Then we wish to keep most of our content titillating~

[I’m going to answer this with canon pairings in mind, so as to make it convenient and not have to spam with so many pics~]

Maria & Altaïr: They got married in Limassol, Cyprus. They probably did so at the Limassol castle grounds.

Edward: With Caroline? He probably did it in the middle of a pirate battle, with Adéwalé as his officiant, lol. Kinda like Elizabeth and Will Turner’s hasty wedding scene in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I can’t see Edward doing this with Tessa, however (he most likely had a traditional wedding with her).

Unknown woman in Assassin’s Creed: Last Descendants & Shay: Shay would also get married at sea, but not all hasty like Edward. He’d have a Celtic hand-fasting aboard the Morrigan, with Christopher Gist as the officiant. Shay doesn’t care if bringing a woman on board signals bad luck, or if he’s not following ‘proper’ wedding protocols. He makes his own luck. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ziio & Haytham: Longhouse ceremony first. Then they’d have an estate wedding, right in the Kenway Mansion, so as to honor Haytham’s late father (now I’m depressed that Ziio never got to see the Kenway manor).

Unknown indigenous woman in Assassin’s Creed: Reflections & Connor: Connor is too shy to have a big fat wedding. Most likely to have a guest list of 30 people or under. He and his bride would have a Longhouse ceremony first, then do it European-style in the cozy outdoors of the Homestead.

Élise & Arno: They’d have an elopement in the French countryside, away from all the city madness.

Frye twins: Both had a typical Victorian wedding fanfare. Although with Evie and Henry Green, I can see them doing the Indian-style ceremony first before the Victorian-style:

Aya & Bayek: I can see them having a pleasant outdoor wedding, with the Nile River as their backdrop.

Alexios or Kassandra: Big fat Greek wedding, hands down, lol. Most likely outdoors, either on the hillside or at the beach:

Sofia & Ezio: Last but not least…me! I married Sophia in Venice. I had a big, fat, Italian wedding, just like the Greeks, heheh. First, I did La Serenata on Sofia in my minstrel outfit. She had a good laugh or two then gave me delicious food afterwards. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You can say that my wedding rivaled that of Apollonia and Michael Corleone from The Godfather:

Now, if any of you are getting married in the near future, and have yet to find a DJ or musician for your wedding, then I volunteer as tribute.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

~ Ezio