Browsing Tag

Anonymous

Miscellaneous

I saw the word pene on your blog and i had no idea what it meant. I have a friend thats part italian and asked him what it meant while we were eating with his parents. Him and his father started choking on their food and his mom just sat there seriously and said “penis. It means penis.” Rest of the dinner I didn’t ask anymore questions… Ps: love this blog

July 5, 2016
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Oh, dear. I would’ve excused myself and promptly jumped to the nearest haystack if I were in your place, my dearest anon. You’re lucky Signore Ezio isn’t with you. He’d probably use it as an opportunity to make dinner himself and embarrass you even more

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~ Signora Paola

DID SOMEONE SAY ‘PENE’ BECAUSE I WILL MAKE PENE PENNE PASTA:

– Ezio Auditore

Miscellaneous

This blog has ruined food for me. Like, whenever we have spaghetti we have spicy Italian sausage and my mind wanders to Ezio and the gutter. Hot Italian sausage. Dammit. God fucking dammit.

July 4, 2016

Come join in my sausage fest, then, anonimo.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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– Ezio Auditore

Confessions, Not-So-Dirty Confessions

First confession! I just can’t stop thinking about Jacob; and with “thinking” we all know what I mean soooooo ;) when I started to play Syndicate, I found Jacob funny and handsome, and I thought I couldn’t go any further than that, yes… but then I discovered this blog and… figured out I should confess myself. Thank you Jacob, and thanks Dirty (Ass)assin’s Creed Secrets xxx

July 3, 2016
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Oh, there are no words to describe my happiness to know that this blog has encouraged you to think of Signore Frye in a different manner. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) As someone who was converted to the Church of Jacob™ because of this blog (YES EVEN US MODS ARE NOT IMMUNE) I am very pleased to see when a patron follows the same path. ;D

Surely, you have dirty fantasies about Jacob you want to confess to us? Just look at this face and let your imagination run wild~

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~ Signora Paola

Miscellaneous

I noticed that in the asks about the Assassins and your headcanons for them, you guys include Shao Jun and Arbaaz from Chronicles, but not Nikolai Orelov. I think it’s probably because the list of Assassins you have to write headcanons for is already quite long. I’m not saying I wish you’d also include Nikolai, since he is also a playable character. I was just curious as to why he’s not included.

July 3, 2016

Quite frankly, it’s because we haven’t played/haven’t started with AC Chronicles: Russia yet. 🙁 I do wonder if we should make adjustments with our “playable characters only” rule since technically speaking, Lydia Frye is also a playable character and we haven’t done headcanons of her. And frankly, it would be difficult (at least for me) to make any decent headcanons about her since I could barely get a good grasp of her personality in her sequences in Syndicate.

I’m going to talk this over with the others and see if we could come up with a better solution. But thank you for bringing this to our attention!

Grazie,
~ Signora Paola

Miscellaneous

I discovered this blog last March and I’m absolutely addicted to it! Actually I come here only to see Jacob’s confessions since I love him so much lmao but I have to admit that you keepers are… wow. And Secluded Haystack is my drug! May God Save La Rosa in Fiore! (Now, if u would excuse me, I need to confess all my dirty thoughts to Father Jacob, if u know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) love ya all xxx

July 1, 2016

Ti ringrazio tanto, dear anon! Your support and patronage is very important to us! Even if you’re just here to appreciate confessions about Jacob, we do not mind! There are plenty of sins written in his name to get by ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) And remember – Father Jacob is always ready to hear your sins~

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~ Signora Paola

Miscellaneous

Well… I’m going to write a fan fiction about AC, obviously a smut one. I’m totally new at this because I’ve never written any fan fic, could you give me any tips??

June 30, 2016

Hi there Anon,

It’s very hard to give tips like this because it’s such a wide topic, with so many tips to give. However, here are a few I live by:

  1. Write, and don’t stop until you’re done. Don’t edit, don’t go back to fix, just write until you’re done!
  2. Show us, don’t tell. For example, “He was aroused” is telling us the character is aroused. It’s more fun to read if you show us the signs of his arousal. Flushed cheeks. Bright eyes. Racing pulse. Other visual signs. It let’s us create a mental visual that a simple tell doesn’t let us build.
  3. Don’t use wild names for genitals. While Cockrocket2000 might sound great in your head, it’s just going to stand out as silly to readers. Likewise, very clinical terms sometimes can be really out of style so be careful if you’re throwing vaginas and penises around.
  4. After you’re finished, change the font, size, and colour. Save, close it, go do something else for at least 30 minutes. Then come back and start to edit. The change will snap your mind out of patterns and you’ll see mistakes or problems. Read it aloud. And remember, run-on sentences are satan’s sack sweat.

Love,
Rosa

(PS: IF you have further questions you can hit me up here or at @hypatiathelibrarian; I’d rather have a discussion with you than respond public, and I can keep your identity anonymous if you’re shy. 🙂

DACS Greatest Hits

This is mostly humorous than dirty but can we get a headcanon of how the assassins try to hide their boners in public because as I come to understand they can just happen randomly. He he I’m so immature.

June 30, 2016

Altaïr: He doesn’t even care–

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Maybe he hides it by just keeping his legs together, and then his robes will fall back into their natural spot.

Jacob: TOP HAT M’LADY; HE’D HIDE IT WITH HIS TOP HAT

Connor: ….There’s no way he can hide that boner. I mean just look at those tight trousers–

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Maybe he’d try covering it with his robes idk. lol

Edward: Just like Jacob, he uses THE HAT, THE PIRATE HAT M’LADY

Adéwalé: He’d hide it by running into the ocean and swimming.

Haytham: like this–

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Ezio: why should I hide mine? That’s how you get the ladies.

– Ezio Auditore