Anonymous – Dirty Assassin's Creed Secrets

Firstly, we want to remind our lovely patrons that while we don’t mind getting non-dirty headcanon requests, we really do prefer getting dirty ones. It’s to keep the theme of our bordello after all! You followed this blog for the dirtiness, yes? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Then we wish to keep most of our content titillating~

[I’m going to answer this with canon pairings in mind, so as to make it convenient and not have to spam with so many pics~]

Maria & Altaïr: They got married in Limassol, Cyprus. They probably did so at the Limassol castle grounds.

Edward: With Caroline? He probably did it in the middle of a pirate battle, with Adéwalé as his officiant, lol. Kinda like Elizabeth and Will Turner’s hasty wedding scene in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. I can’t see Edward doing this with Tessa, however (he most likely had a traditional wedding with her).

Unknown woman in Assassin’s Creed: Last Descendants & Shay: Shay would also get married at sea, but not all hasty like Edward. He’d have a Celtic hand-fasting aboard the Morrigan, with Christopher Gist as the officiant. Shay doesn’t care if bringing a woman on board signals bad luck, or if he’s not following ‘proper’ wedding protocols. He makes his own luck. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ziio & Haytham: Longhouse ceremony first. Then they’d have an estate wedding, right in the Kenway Mansion, so as to honor Haytham’s late father (now I’m depressed that Ziio never got to see the Kenway manor).

Unknown indigenous woman in Assassin’s Creed: Reflections & Connor: Connor is too shy to have a big fat wedding. Most likely to have a guest list of 30 people or under. He and his bride would have a Longhouse ceremony first, then do it European-style in the cozy outdoors of the Homestead.

Élise & Arno: They’d have an elopement in the French countryside, away from all the city madness.

Frye twins: Both had a typical Victorian wedding fanfare. Although with Evie and Henry Green, I can see them doing the Indian-style ceremony first before the Victorian-style:

Aya & Bayek: I can see them having a pleasant outdoor wedding, with the Nile River as their backdrop.

Alexios or Kassandra: Big fat Greek wedding, hands down, lol. Most likely outdoors, either on the hillside or at the beach:

Sofia & Ezio: Last but not least…me! I married Sophia in Venice. I had a big, fat, Italian wedding, just like the Greeks, heheh. First, I did La Serenata on Sofia in my minstrel outfit. She had a good laugh or two then gave me delicious food afterwards. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You can say that my wedding rivaled that of Apollonia and Michael Corleone from The Godfather:

Now, if any of you are getting married in the near future, and have yet to find a DJ or musician for your wedding, then I volunteer as tribute. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

~ Ezio

Anonymous Ask the Admins: Sweet Bits Ezio Auditore da La La La GIF La la la ♫long post replies

Uncategorized

July 10, 2020

We got this comment on our Dreamwidth page: “Dacs is sort of cursed but in a good way? I cant get rid of the mental images and see them at the damnedest moments but god, I love them.”

You can just imagine how it is for us, the gatekeepers of this bordello. I’ve edited quite literally thousands of confessions so you could say that I’ve developed a tolerance. It takes a very special kind of confession to…. rouse a reaction from me. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ – ✧)

~ Signora Paola

Anonymous GIF replies

DACS Greatest Hits, Uncategorized

(Not a confession) What if Ubisoft created a line of Assassin’s Creed inspired sex toys, what do you think they would be?

July 10, 2020

It has to be inspired by the Hidden Blade or else what’s the point, right? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I’m thinking something that you can easily hide and bring with you anywhere. A toy that can be disguised as something else~

A lipstick vibe that you can easily place in your purse ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) No one except ones gifted with Eagle Vision would really know what it is. To the regular person, it just looks like a regular lipstick. But every Assassin (and Templar) worth their salt would know immediately what it is. Imagine your favourite Assassin or Templar catching a glimpse of this in your purse. Can you imagine what they’d do to you? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I know my answer isn’t too adventurous, but I’m fairly certain Messere Ezio has a lot of things to say. 😏

~ Signora Paola

++++++++++++++++++++

WeEEeeEeeLL, I have a lots of toys in mind~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [Paola’s note: I linked the more explicit ones outside Tumblr. I really don’t want this fun post to get flagged by the Tumblr overlords]

— A DD/lg-themed BDSM kit to be used by all the Daddies of Understanding and the Daddies of the dirty ol’ Brotherhood for their baby-girls *cough*ME*cough* ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

— A strap-on dildo with the models of your fav Assassin/Templar pene, for those dirty assassinos and Templars who need a good peggin’ or two. On the same note…

— A whole trunk full of dildos for sale, all modeled after all these hung men of the AC franchise. Kinda like what Rammstein did years ago, hahahaha~ Now you can guess who is the most hung and bara of them all. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which brings me to my next answer…

— A chess board with dildos as the pieces, for our classiest Assassins and Templars. This is how they’d pass the time… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which brings me to…

— 24k Gold vibrator, for the richest of the rich. Who is the richest Assassin or Templar? I like to think I am, but I think Edward has me beat thanks to his piracy. This is treasure that he steals and keeps for himself. PIRATE BOOTY

Or it looks like something that Élise would keep in her boudoir. She’d host a sex toy sales party, and this is what she’d sell to her guests, huehuehue. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

— Pet play kit branded with Connor’s and Shay’s names. I see them being secretly into this, if they’re playing with their more submissive side (although I can see them being Primal Hunters as well, Shay even more so. He gives a new dirty meaning to his ‘Assassin Hunter’ title, huehuehue~). Include these with Primal play. Yes. The Hunter becomes the hunted. Let the Huntress take you. The Wolf gets devoured by the Lion/Lioness. Do you hear the calling of the Wild? The hunt is near. The Predator seeks their Prey. Unleash the beast within. Mwehuehuehue, si, si, si~ ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ

— Standard BDSM kit, but with class, made by and for the the classiest Dommes of the AC franchise. Evie would take this with her everywhere in London with a get-up similar to Irene Adler’s ‘The Woman’ dominatrix persona from BBC’s Sherlock: