Indeed, these bellezze do~
~ Ezio ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Uncategorized
Not really a dirty secret. I just want to say that all the female Assassins and Templars are hot. They deserve more love!
July 9, 2020
‘I feel like a dirty voyeur for wanting to spy a young Connor entering adulthood–like a 20-year-old Connor–masturbate for the first time, ever. All the awkward bells and whistles included. Like I can just imagine him being so damn embarrassed about it. I’d help him, but I get this feeling that Achilles would catch him first, and he’d get in trouble. LMAO I’d get the hell outta the Homestead ASAP if Achilles also catches me catching him, AHAHAHA’
Confession [@haythamsenpai]
Uncategorized
Is there anyone interested in more gay bara stories with some hot assassin daddies? :-) I’m writing original stories for now, but I can always come up with some AC fanfiction :-)
July 8, 2020The Secluded Haystack is always open for gay reader-insert lovin’~
Dear lovely followers, would you be interested in reading these stories? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
~ Ezio
‘I see posts going around at the moment about how perfect Jacob is. He’s got the chiseled body of a brawler with a soft bit of chub on his tummy. God, just imagine holding onto that body amidst the throes of passion… Excuse the drooling 🤤🤤🤤’
All right, everyone, it’s
All right, everyone. It’s been a while since there has been much activity around here. What happened?
The ‘Great Purge’ of 2019 happened, that’s what.
The Tumblergo employees didn’t want to have any sexual content on Tumblr anymore. This affected our Brotherhood very much, and sadly, it’s not as active as it used to be. But us admins are still here, working in the shadows to bring the light. Though we may not ever reach our glory days again, we can start anew with something just as unique and cherished.
Right now, it is just me and Paola working to keep this bordello running. But if things get crazy again aka ‘Era of the Fryes’, we will enlist help. For now, we are fine with just a skeleton crew.
Since a lot has changed after the purge, and the following have been changed:
• Reblogging old secrets from years past. We’ve been doing this for a while, but I am now making it an official announcement. It’s nice to go back to dirty old secrets, especially all the crazy food porn ones, haha. It also helps keep the blog active. You can catch them every Thursday under the ‘Throwback Thursday’ tag.
• 50 Shades of Pene is no more. I deleted it because it did not end up being what I expected it to be. It had too little submissions to keep it running. Now that the Secluded Haystack can accept more word counts and multi-chapters, having 50 Shades of Pene is redundant. So I deleted it. All stories are now to be submitted to the Secluded Haystack.
• Secluded Haystack is undergoing a renaissance. No one has submitted anything to the Secluded Haystack since last year. We are still open for submissions, especially now that 50 Shades of Pene is no more. Believe or not, I myself have never submitted anything to the Haystack. Your resident dirty old man has some stories to tell about his dirty travels, so I will be submitting them to the Haystack. You want to know where I’ve been for the past 4 years? I’ve been hiding in Sophia’s bookshop, reading thrillers and honing my own craft, haha..be on the lookout for some Colonial Assassins/Templars and Old!Ezio lovin’ at the Haystack. I am re-submitting my Connor stories. I also have some Shay stories in the works, and perhaps a Haytham one or two. If enough of you show some Daddy love for old Ezio, then I will shower you with my love in return~ I have a thing or two to say to all the baby-girl principesse out there… ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
• We are accepting ‘Ask the Admins’ questions again. We stopped answering them for a while because we received so much, we had no time to edit the confessions themselves. But now that things have quieted down, and Paola and I are now dirty old people, we have some stories to tell, haha. I don’t think we’ll be doing it in meme format again. However, we are open to any questions or headcanons you want us to answer about your favourite characters. Just please, make sure to check the ‘Dirty Bits’, ‘Sweet Bits’, and ‘Asks Memes’ sections of the ‘Ask the Admins’ tags to see if your questions have been answered before sending us any! We don’t want any repeats. Thank you!
• ‘Dirty polls’ may also make a comeback. If enough interest picks up after the release of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla, then we may do another round of dirty polls. Just bring us your smörgåsbord of thirst come Valhalla time, hahaha….
This is all for now. Thank you for your cooperation!
Stay thirsty,
~ Ezio
To our valued patrons,
First off, I am beyond thrilled that Ezio is back with us! It’s a timely return, too, as I’ve been having ideas on what to do with the bordello, but due to our current pandemic it’s been quite difficult for me to spend quality time here. 😞 I just have enough time to read your confessions and edit them all. With Messere Ezio’s homecoming, we can finally cater to other fun, dirty activities ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
And what better way to start that, than to finally update our Stripper Playlist! Here is the playlist (with their YouTube links):
- Altaïr – Red Light Special by TLC; Magdalena by A Perfect Circle
- Ezio – Pony by Ginuwine
- Connor – Dirrty by Christina Aguilera; Tonight I’m Fucking You by Enrique Iglesias
- Aveline – Partition by Beyoncé; Sexy Bitch by David Guetta Ft. Akon
- Edward – Welcome To The Jungle by Guns ‘n Roses; Satisfaction by Benny Benassi
- Adéwalé – Gimme More by Britney Spears; Hats Off to the Bull by Chevelle
- Shay – Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard; SexyBack by Justin Timberlake
- Arno – Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera, Li’l Kim, Mya, Pink; Supermassive Blackhole by Muse
- Evie – Erotica by Madonna; Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene by Hozier
- Jacob – Closer by Nine Inch Nails
- Bayek – I’ll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men
- Aya – Work by Rihanna
- Kassandra – Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Eurythmics
[as Deimos!Kassandra] Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Marilyn Manson- Alexios – I Wanna Be Your Dog by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
[as Deimos!Alexios] I’m Gonna Be Your God by SlayerI especially had fun choosing songs for Kassandra and Alexios because there was the extra challenge of looking for a counterpart that would fit their Deimos persona. 😏
Do you have your own headcanons as to what your favourite Assassin or Templar would strip to? Reblog this post and share it with us!
Love,
~ Signora Paola
So, I had this as a placeholder song for Male/Female!Eivor come AC Valhalla release time, but I cannot help but view it as Hope’s song now, haha. Just look at the music video; the lead singer, Floor Jansen, looks a lot like Hope Jensen. Their names even sound similar. Makes me wonder if Ubisoft secretly used Floor as their model for Hope:
Male!Eivor…and Hope singing – Wish I Had an Angel by Nightwish
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
~ Ezio
To our valued patrons,
First off, I am beyond thrilled that Ezio is back with us! It’s a timely return, too, as I’ve been having ideas on what to do with the bordello, but due to our current pandemic it’s been quite difficult for me to spend quality time here. 😞 I just have enough time to read your confessions and edit them all. With Messere Ezio’s homecoming, we can finally cater to other fun, dirty activities ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
And what better way to start that, than to finally update our Stripper Playlist! Here is the playlist (with their YouTube links):
- Altaïr – Red Light Special by TLC; Magdalena by A Perfect Circle
- Ezio – Pony by Ginuwine
- Connor – Dirrty by Christina Aguilera; Tonight I’m Fucking You by Enrique Iglesias
- Aveline – Partition by Beyoncé; Sexy Bitch by David Guetta Ft. Akon
- Edward – Welcome To The Jungle by Guns ‘n Roses; Satisfaction by Benny Benassi
- Adéwalé – Gimme More by Britney Spears; Hats Off to the Bull by Chevelle
- Shay – Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard; SexyBack by Justin Timberlake
- Arno – Lady Marmalade by Christina Aguilera, Li’l Kim, Mya, Pink; Supermassive Blackhole by Muse
- Evie – Erotica by Madonna; Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene by Hozier
- Jacob – Closer by Nine Inch Nails
- Bayek – I’ll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men
- Aya – Work by Rihanna
- Kassandra – Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Eurythmics
[as Deimos!Kassandra] Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) by Marilyn Manson - Alexios – I Wanna Be Your Dog by Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
[as Deimos!Alexios] I’m Gonna Be Your God by Slayer
I especially had fun choosing songs for Kassandra and Alexios because there was the extra challenge of looking for a counterpart that would fit their Deimos persona. 😏
Do you have your own headcanons as to what your favourite Assassin or Templar would strip to? Reblog this post and share it with us!
Love,
~ Signora Paola
‘Has anyone here ever turned on the ‘Big Mouth’ cheat in AC Rogue? Shay says the funniest lines with them, but oh man…with the rope dart, however, he says his cheesy lines in a way that it comes off as suggestive. “Get back over here!” and “Let me pull you into the discussion!” I can hear Shay saying that to me after playfully chasing me in the wild. He’d tie me with the rope dart and have his way with me. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)’
Confession [@haythamsenpai]
Ciao a tutti! It is I, @haythamsenpai, founder of this blog. I have returned at last! I have much to say about rebuilding this lovely Brotherhood (full of dirty secrets) of ours. But before I do, let me take this time to first say some acknowledgements.
Dirty Assassin’s Creed Secrets (or ‘DACS’ for short) started over 7 years ago with just me (as the original ‘Signora Paola’). I did not expect this tiny little brothel to become the madhouse it is today, so I’ve enlisted help along the way. Although they are no longer active mods, they deserve special mention for their contributions to the Brotherhood–
@bis-cvit a.k.a. ‘Sister Teodora’, our ‘Keeper of the 1st Hour’. She has been with me since the very beginning of this blog. She helped the DACS Brotherhood through the best and worst times. Thank you for being a wonderful friend.
And to the rest of the moderation team who have helped me throughout the peak 2015/2016 madness of DACS (the ‘Era of the Fryes’)…all its Sinful Sundays, the Food Porn Fridays, the trashy erotica, all the crazy fun and whatnot:
@megustasermala, @alafairftw, @pharaoh-doll, and @hypatiathelibrarian,
Thank for your help with the fan writings, for helping out with the confessions, for helping me deal with the drama, for being here during the good, bad, and ugly of it all. Thank you for being great friends. I miss you all and appreciate so much everything you’ve done for DACS.
And last but not least, @jiruchan, a.k.a. ‘Signora Paola’, who has done an amazing job taking are of this blog throughout the years, all through the best and the worst. Without her, there wouldn’t be any Secluded Haystack. Without her, this blog would’ve been no more. Thank you for being and awesome friend and great contributor to DACS!
There are many more who have helped throughout the years that are no longer active, but I thank them nonetheless. DACS won’t be what it is today without every one of you.
And of course, our lovely, thirsty followers of this bordello: thank you to all who have contributed to the crazy yet fun times of our 2015/2016 peak activity. Thank you for those who have been around since the beginning and continue to stick around. Thank you for those who are new, for your enthusiasm and love for our community. Thank you to each and every one of you for your continued support. May the Father of Thirst Guide You. And remember: Nothing is True; Every Dirty Little Secret is Permitted.
Con affetto,
~ Ezio
‘Bayek’s hairy chest turns me on so much. I just want to bury my face between his hairy pecs…’
Confession [@filifuck]