To continue that ‘Jacob as a drummer while I’m a bassist’ AU confession I made months back, imagine this AU with the Assassins and Templars being in rival bands/management. As you probably know, I headcanon modern Jacob as the type who would keep sending you pictures of himself, both innocent and dirty. I’m very careful with my privacy so I would immediately download everything he sent me to my computer harddrive so my phone and account would be clean. However, there’s one photo that I didn’t get to delete right away. The Templars, in their attempt to discredit our band, decide to hack our mobile phones. They’re successful, but don’t really get anything “scandalous” from us – except one: A picture of Jacob’s dick.
Now, I don’t know if it’s sheer desperation (it probably is), but they leak it in hopes that it will be enough to get the parents of our younger fans all outraged and boycott us. It isn’t. #JacobsPackage becomes a trending topic on Twitter, with most praising the “amazing” girth of his package. Some are understandably upset… not because Jacob’s Package got leaked, but because they’re all jealous that I get to tap that every night. I don’t even mind that Jacob becomes the King of Smug Bastards during that week because those are Seven Days of Orgasmic Bliss.
